


Shiva

by Surreal



Category: The X-Files
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-05-15
Updated: 2001-05-15
Packaged: 2018-11-20 15:30:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 32,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11338281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Surreal/pseuds/Surreal
Summary: Langly is given a gift that nearly costs him his life.





	Shiva

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

 

Shiva by Surreal

Shiva by Surreal <>  
Website: http://gladstone.uoregon.edu/~slr27166/  
Welcome to The Beast! This story is my first novel-length story. It started in November of last year, and is finally finished on April 25th, 2001. There are 17 total chapters.  
Summary: Langly is given a gift that nearly costs him his life.   
Warnings: Includes NC/17 m/m sexual situations. Subject matter may disturb some readers, so please read responsibly.   
Special thanks to my support staff:  
AlisonX, who was there from the start and has been there for me constantly with encouragement. Anndie, my beta and roommate, who reminded me of my school work, which is why the story took as long as it did. Sally, who let me bounce ideas off her, and was always eager to lend a hand. Rae, who gave me back my focus when I'd lost it, and helped to keep me there. And Erynn, who stayed up with me for hours and hours in chat, working through this story in all it's gory detail. She has been incredibly patient, even through my kicking and screaming fits. She is the reason you are seeing the end of this tonight!  
Coming (not too) soon....Shiva 2.

* * *

..oOOo..

7:30am Saturday

*EEP EEP EEP*

John Byers groaned loudly at the insistent beeping of the alarm clock driving into his brain. He pulled one of his long, bare arms out from under the warm confines of his pillow to stretch up and slam his fist against the frustrating machine, taking three tries before it stopped.

The loud beeping didn't wake up his bedmate, but the movement did. Ringo Langly moaned softly against the bare skin under his face, his head resting in the curve of Byers' back and his arm draped across the older man's thighs possessively.

Byers felt a shiver pass through his body at the light brush of long, silky hair across his naked back, the lightly stubbled cheek scratching at his flesh. With a resigned sigh, he raised his head and tilted it to look at the other man over his shoulder. "Ree," he mumbled, his voice hoarse with sleep. "Time to get up."

Langly responded with another series of incomprehensible mumbles and curled his body closer to his lover. "Don't wanna."

"Sorry, babe. Print day, you know the rules," Byers sighed, not wanting to get out of bed any more than his young lover. He reached a hand down to rub Langly's back gently before sliding his body out from under him. The sleepy blonde let his head drop to the bed with a dull thump and he burrowed back under the warm bedding.

"It can wait..." Langly's voice barely escaped the thick layer of blankets he had pressed against his face.

Byers sniffed, rubbing his palm against his eye in an effort to clear his vision as he stood. "You said that last time and we came close to missing the delivery deadline."

"It's our paper, John...why do we have to jump through all the stupid legal hoops?" Langly complained, his light hazel eyes peeking out from beneath the covers.

"We just do," Byers stated with an air of finality. He reached down to grab Langly's arm and physically tug him out of the comfortable bed. 

Langly groaned loudly at the treatment but crawled to his knees and swung his legs over the edge of the bed. "God, it's freezing out here," he whined as he reached for a pair of discarded sweatpants on the floor and tugged them onto his legs, standing to pull them up over his hips.

"Yeah," Byers sighed, shuffling toward the closet to assemble his suit for the day. "Tell ya what. I'll let you have first shower, and if we make the deadline without too much whining-from either of you," he emphasized the last part, noting how Langly rolled his eyes at the implication, "I'll take you to that bookstore you wanted to go to."

Langly visibly perked up, a little smile curving his thin lips. "Really?"

The older man couldn't help but laugh gently at the innocent expression. "Yup. Now, get some clothes and get to it," he smiled, reaching up to pat his partner's cheek lightly. 

The younger man turned his head to kiss the inside of Byers' wrist and returned the smile. "Okay."

..oOOo..

5:15pm

Langly breathed in slowly as he took in the musty smell and aura of ancient Eastern religion that instantly captured the senses of anyone who entered the bookstore. The walls, floors and ceiling were covered with dark, antique tapestries and rugs obviously imported from many different places around Asia. Dusty smoke from old incense burning in a few places added a thickness to the air and made the small shop seem even darker.

"Man, John--look at this place!" Langly whispered with reverent awe, his eyes seeking to map every inch and corner of the store, which appeared devoid of life to the unseeing onlooker. The two men glanced around, their eyes finally landing on a small Chinese woman at the same time as she moved quietly out from behind the short counter.

"Welcome," she gave them a shy smile, her voice soft and lightly accented. "May I help you find something in particular?"

"Oh, um..." Langly glanced around quickly then looked back at her with a smile. "Not yet, thank you. We're just looking."

With a tiny nod of approval, she ducked quickly back behind the counter.

Byers followed and watched as the younger man slowly made his way between the thin wood shelves, the books surprisingly well-cared for and most of them written in one of hundreds of Asian dialects. 

The older man was pulled from his curious wanderings when Langly tugged at his jacket sleeve and gave him a cheeky grin, jerking his head to indicate a certain section. Byers followed, and gave his lover a playful smack on the arm out of shy embarrassment. 

"Ree, would you stop thinking with...*that*?" Byers hissed at him through clenched teeth, his face turning a faint pink as he saw the familiar translations of "Kama Sutra", among other things, on the books resting on the shelf. 

"Actually, I was thinking more about this," Langly playfully reached over to pinch Byers' bottom, making the older man jump and scurry out of reach. 

Byers bit back a yelp and tried to glare at his younger friend, but his smirk took the edge of his anger. He backed out of the isle, keeping his eye on the other man.

Suddenly Byers stumbled and turned around quickly at the sound of a tiny squeak. He looked down to see a small Chinese boy looking up at him with a shy smile.

"Ooh, sorry," Byers apologized instantly, kneeling down to look at the young man at eye level. 

The boy looked at him curiously, his head tilting to one side. All hint of his previous shyness gone, he reached a hand up to touch the crouching man's beard curiously. Langly, watching from a distance, crossed his arms over his chest and waited for Byers' reaction.

Byers laughed softly, his hand coming up to take the tiny one into his own. "Curious little guy, aren't you?" he said gently, still holding the boy's hand. Langly smiled too, albeit sadly. He felt something tug at his throat and he swallowed hard. Seeing his lover with this little boy, holding his hand and talking to him gently, made the younger man realize that he will never get the chance to see Byers, or himself for that matter, be a father.

He was drawn from his reverie by the approach of the woman they had seen before, apparently the store keeper. She reached down to take the boy's other hand and smiled apologetically to Byers, who stood up and released the tiny hand finally. "Sorry," she said softly, her hand moving to cup the boy's head protectively, indicating to the older man that he was in fact her son. "He does not speak much English yet."

"Oh, it's okay. I wasn't watching where I was going and almost ran right over him," Byers gave her an embarrassed grin. 

Langly finally saved his lover from further explanation by stepping up behind him and waving a small book in the air. "Come on, before you do any more damage, Johnny." He took Byers' hand in his own and led him to the counter after the woman.

As Langly paid for his book, Byers let his eyes wander again. A small movement brought his attention back to the front as he saw another Chinese woman, one who looked older than most of the objects adorning the shop. She was watching them with a careful, piercing gaze that made Byers shudder involuntarily, shifting his weight to his other foot.

"Ready to go?" Langly asked him, swinging around to face Byers again and holding up the small purchase bag. He followed the older man's gaze and spotted the old woman approaching them.

"Um, hello...?" the younger man greeted her cautiously, but she seemed not to notice this. Instead, she stopped right in front of him. Without a word, she placed her thin, painfully curled hand onto his stomach and uttered a short phrase in a language neither men could understand.

"Jai Jai Shiva   
 Shanker, Kaanta  
 lage na Kankar."

Langly gasped, unsure what to do and he gave his lover a confused look. Byers reached out to take his hand, gently pulling him away even as the younger woman came to pull away the older woman. "I'm sorry, sir...my mother, she misunderstands," the younger woman said, obviously flustered and embarrassed by the actions of the other woman.

"No, no--it's okay. Um...what did she say?" Langly asked, watching as the old woman pursed her lips and squinted at him.

The younger woman shook her head, waving a dismissive hand. "Oh--it's nothing; religious nonsense. Please, don't worry about it," she told him, her voice almost pleading for him to forget the strange encounter.

Langly nodded, still perplexed. He felt a slight tug and looked back to see Byers silently urging him to get out of there. The younger man turned back to the two women, giving them a polite smile. "Well, um, thank you," he said, holding up the bag briefly then turned to follow Byers out the door.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

12:34am Sunday

Not bothering to stifle his yawn, Byers stumbled out of his shared bedroom to search for his absent lover. 

The soft glow of Langly's computer screen gave away his location easily. He sat staring at the screen, absently browsing and clicking through web pages about Asian religions.

Byers slipped in behind the younger man, the soft cloth of his light blue flannel pajamas brushing gently against Langly's cheek. The older man wrapped his arms around Langly's neck and down to rest his hands on the firm chest encased in a thin cotton t-shirt. "Coming to bed soon?" Byers mumbled sleepily as he held the other man in his arms, tilting his head to kiss the pale throat.

Langly leaned back into the warm embrace, absently rubbing his cheek against the other man's. "Yeah...I was just trying to figure out what that old woman said to me today..."

"At the bookstore?"

"Yeah," Langly nodded, shutting the browsers and turning the computer off. Byers took a step back as his partner stood, then put his arms back around him. Langly smiled, tightening his arms around the barely-awake older man. "I thought you went to sleep already."

Byers shrugged against him, looking up at him with a half-smile. "Kinda. I just..." he shrugged again, leaning in to give Langly a little kiss. "I don't like to sleep without you."

Langly smiled at him, quirking one eyebrow in wonder. "Are you just being sweet to get me into bed, baby?"

The older man chuckled, tugging at his lover. "It's working, isn't it?" he grinned and led Langly to their bedroom.

Byers stopped just inside the door to let Langly pass him before he turned back to close the door behind them quietly. He started toward the bed, rubbing his hand over his eyes distractedly and before he knew it, he was enveloped in Langly's arms again. He gave a soft laugh and hugged him back.

Langly pulled his head back to kiss him deeply for a long moment, leaving them both breathless and gasping for oxygen. "God, Ree--you don't waste any time, do you?" the older man teased with a knowing grin.

"Not when I see you like this, hon," the younger man answered, taking a step back to look his lover's body over with obvious want. "Damn, you look so *cute*!!"

"Cute??" Byers laughed incredulously, holding his arms out at his sides to look down at himself. "Why?"

Langly closed the gap between them again, cupping his lover's face in his hands. "Lots of reasons," he said softly, leaning in to kiss Byers' forehead chastely. "You're hair's all messed up," he reached up to stroke the short, soft strands with his fingers. 

He continued to survey his lover's body, cataloguing as he went. "Cheeks are all red," he said, kissing the left one. Kissing down Byers' throat, he slowly dropped to his knees in front of the other man and moaned softly. "So warm in these pajamas," he growled. His hands resting on Byers' hips, he leaned forward to nip playfully at the older man's stomach through the flannel. 

"Oohwaaahh!" Byers moaned then gasped as he felt Langly start to rub his face over his soft groin, gently nudging the awakening erection with his nose before continuing down to kiss Byers' inner thigh, his hands moving down with him and sliding around to hold the backs of his thighs, squeezing gently as they came to rest in the upward curve of his rump.

Byers brought a shaking hand up to rest on Langly's head, stroking his fingers through the wispy hair in encouragement. His head thrown back, eyes closed and lips parted, Langly stood to observe his effect on the older man and groaned softly at the pure ecstasy on Byers' face.

The younger man slipped his arm around Byers' waist to hold him up, pulling him close for another, more deeply aroused kiss. As he pulled away, he smiled as he saw the older man watching him with half-closed eyes, his pupils making them appear almost black if not for the faint hint of blue around the edges. "And your eyes...so gorgeous..." he mumbled, his head shaking just slightly in awe.

Byers sighed and smiled at him, rolling his eyes as he broke from the younger man's seductive spell. "Now who's trying to get *who* into bed?" he laughed softly.

With a deep, vibrating growl, Langly pressed his body to the other man's again, his left leg pushing between the other man's legs and rubbing his thigh against the hardening groin. He brought his left hand up to hold Byers' throat still, his thumb stroking against the soft fur lining his jaw as he tilted his head to nip gently on the sensitive skin just below the older man's left ear. 

He felt Byers' breath quickening, his chest expanding against him with the rapid gasps. "God, John...love when you get like this," he mumbled between sucking kisses against the pale throat. He slid his other hand back down to Byers' ass, his fingers fanning out and pulling the older man against him, pressing their groins together. 

"Ohh..." Byers breathed against his ear, not even a whisper. With an audible swallow, he grunted and thrusted his hips against Langly's, making the younger man gasp and suck harder on his neck. "Bed--now."

"Yeah," Langly agreed breathlessly, and they somehow found their way to the bed, landing in a tangled heap with Langly on top. He slipped his glasses off and reached over to set them on the bedside table before turning back to his love.

Byers scooted his body toward the center of the bed and Langly followed his every move, not breaking contact for even a second. The older man pulled himself up onto his hands, his arms stretched out behind him for support so he could lean up to kiss the man kneeling over his body.

Langly continued his exploration of Byers' throat with his mouth, leaving dark red marks here and there, symbols of his conquest. His hands drifted on their own, skimming over the flannel-covered chest until the cloth became too much of a barrier. Without pulling his lips from Byers' throat, he tugged at the buttons until they gave and he pushed the shirt out of his way.

"Thought you said these made me look cute," Byers panted through clenched teeth, sitting up more to tug the top off his arms and out of the way, tossing it onto the floor. 

"You look even better out of them," Langly countered, dipping his head down to take advantage of the bare chest under him. As he kissed his way down, Byers laid back and closed his eyes, his body tingling with heat at every place the soft lips came into contact with his skin. 

Unclenching his hands from the bedding under him, the older man grabbed the bottom edge of Langly's t-shirt and tugged it off the younger man. Byers let his hands roam freely across the expanse of naked flesh over him, feeling the muscles tightening and relaxing beneath the surface as Langly continued his loving exploration.

Byers felt the heat from Langly's breath increase as the younger man gnawed playfully at his nipples, the sensitized skin sending shocks through his body. With a deft move, he snaked his hand down the curled spine, feeling the bony ridges of vertebrae under his fingertips and slid over the curved ass to reach between the straddled thighs. 

"OH Jesus--" Langly bucked violently over him as he felt the firm grip of Byers' hand on his tightened groin from behind. Caught off-guard, he felt the sudden weightlessness of being flipped onto his back and as his mind cleared, found himself staring into the grinning face of his lover. 

"Now who's cute, babe?" the grinning older man swooped down to grab a breath-stealing kiss, dropping his weight from his arms and legs to rub full-length on Langly.

"Yo-aahhh!!" Langly's protest was quickly lost in the deep, grating cry as Byers wasted no time taking advantage of his new control and nudging his face in the now painfully tight bulge in the jeans. Nipping through the fabric, he could feel the searing heat against his lips and grinned with anticipation.

Wrapping his fingers around Langly's hips to hold him in place, the older man leaned down, taking the tiny piece of metal into his teeth and very slowly, carefully pulling the zipper down.

"Oh, god John...what the hell are you doing to me?" Langly gasped as he watched the other man's movements with interest while doing his best to suppress the instinct to thrust up.

"Trying to prove that I'm not as cute as you think I am," Byers raised his head and gave him a sweet, anything-but-innocent smile. He unfastened the button on the jeans and slipped his fingers under both waistbands, tugging down.

"You'll have to try harder, Johnny. You're still cute." Langly lifted his hips helpfully and let Byers pull the jeans and boxers off of him, leaving him completely naked and spread eagle on the bed. 

Byers stood up to admire his handiwork. Langly, naked and sprawled, his rock hard erection jutting up and the tangled mass of blonde hair falling in all directions around Langly's head against the bed. 

Perfect.

Langly raised an eyebrow at him. "Just gonna stand there or are you gonna join me?"

Silently but with an air of supreme smugness, Byers slid out of his own pajama pants and boxers slowly. Langly couldn't hold back his sigh at the beauty standing before him, the absolute control betrayed only by the obvious signs of arousal in the older man.

Byers shrugged. "Cute, huh?" he mumbled, shaking his head just a bit. He purposefully strode forward, crawling on his knees onto the bed between Langly's legs to hover over him invitingly. "We'll see about that."

"You really should work on your dirty talk, John," Langly admonished, sliding back to sit up and face the other man. 

Before he could flinch at the sharp movement, Byers had his mouth on Langly's, his tongue darting sharply in complete dominance. His hand moved down to grasp the thick member and stroked hard at the same time.

Overwhelmed by the sensations, Langly broke away sharply with a harsh grunt and flopped back onto the bed. Byers smiled down at him. "Never was much for words...more of a man of action."

"I noticed," the younger man said softly. He reached up to slowly run his hands over Byers' body, softly stroking the light skin while gently maneuvering the other man down to lay on his back. 

Byers let himself be guided, laying his head on the pillow and closing his eyes at the unexpected gentle turn. He felt as the mattress dipped between his legs when Langly moved over him. 

Hands softly stroking up and down his thighs, he sensed the warmth first then felt the soft, moist lips touch the sensitive insides of his thighs. A soft moan escaped when he felt the lips move up, light caresses of the normally sharp tongue finally getting to its goal.

Sucking in a sharp breath, Byers had to bite his lip to keep from sobbing at the painfully slow, intricate attentions of the lips now kissing at the sac, fingers wrapped around his shaft moving just enough to keep him aware of their presence.

Up further, Langly trailed light kisses up the underside of the penis until he reached the tip. A short swipe of his tongue across the slit had Byers groaning and instinctively pushing his hips up.

Content with the thorough tease, Langly lowered his head again, burying his nose against the soft curls and nipping gently at the base . 

"Oh my--god, Ree--" Byers squirmed under him, his legs shifting helplessly. No sooner had he taken a deep, calming breath did the air catch fast in his throat as Langly lifted up and took the entire length into his mouth.

Langly went with the involuntary thrust, feeling the tip graze the back of his throat. Pushing the thick cock out a bit, he sucked...hard.

"HOLY SHIT!!!" The loud yelp sent a rush of lust straight to Langly's own throbbing erection and he raised his head again to keep from causing either of them permanent damage.

Byers looked down at him, stunned and gasping. He noted the look of shock on the other man's face and bit back a laugh. "Shhhshit, sorry...wasn't ready for that..." he swallowed convulsively.

Langly moved up to kiss him gently. "No problem...just hope you didn't wake up Mel."

This time Byers did laugh. "Maybe we should get him some earplugs for his birthday."

The younger man moved up to straddle the other man's abdomen, sitting lightly on him. "Maybe...but I kinda like the idea of someone hearing how well I can make you scream..."

Apparently Byers still had enough blood up north for his cheeks to burn with a bright blush. He reached up, cupping his hand around the back of Langly's neck to pull him down close. A quick, hard kiss and he whispered, "Why don't you show me how you do that."

Langly whimpered against his lips and rested his forehead against Byers'. "You got it." He reached over to the table to grab the tube. Before he could squeeze any of the lube onto his fingers, Byers took it from his hand.

"Let me," the older man pleaded softly. He slicked two of his fingers then set the tube aside. Turning back to the man straddling him, he gently tapped one of the thighs wrapped around his waist with his clean hand. "Lift up for me," he instructed.

Smiling his understanding, Langly raised up onto his knees and Byers reached under him between his legs to find the tiny opening with his fingers. Carefully brushing over the cleft, he put his other hand on Langly's hip, stroking the sharp bony point as he slipped one finger into the waiting body.

The younger man shivered at the first touch, throwing his head back and shifting his weight to his arms, his hands pushing into the soft bed on either side of Byers' chest. 

Byers felt himself get harder, if that were possible, and his breath quickening at the sight of Langly. The younger man had his head back, lips parted slightly as he gasped at the fingers moving inside him, his hair falling in silky strands across his shoulders.

He changed his angle, fingers finding the prostate easily. Langly tightened around his hand, choking on a startled cry. The older man chuckled lightly. "Say hello to your g-spot."

Langly laughed breathlessly and writhed on the fingers touching his most sensitive spot.

When he felt Langly was ready, he pulled his hand back, wiping the extra lube from his fingers on the sheet before placing his hand on the other hip to mirror the first.

Langly's head rolled forward soundlessly as he slid down, feeling the dull pressure of the older man's cock against his opening. He locked his eyes with the Byers' as he slid back, taking the hardness into him slowly.

"God Ree..." Byers breathed almost inaudibly as he felt the incredible heat engulf him gradually until he was buried to the hilt inside his lover.

Langly dropped forward, laying against the older man's chest. He stayed perfectly still, his body adjusting to the fullness and he steadied his breathing. Strong, warm arms wrapped around his body as Byers held him close, stroking his back and hair in loving reassurance.

Tilting his head up, Langly pressed his lips to Byers' throat, feeling the strong, steady pulse against his mouth. Raising his head, he again met the soft blue eyes and warm smile. "Hey..." he said softly, reaching a shaky hand up to brush away the damp hair sticking to Byers' forehead. 

"Hey," Byers chuckled quietly, little vibrations passing through them both.

"You know...you have the most beautiful eyes," Langly mumbled, almost to himself. "Wish you'd stop wearing the tinted contacts to hide them."

The older man smiled and stroked his hair. "They don't match my suits," he said, chuckling as Langly rolled his eyes in mock disgust. "Besides...I like that you're the only one who gets to see them. You know, the whole 'windows to the soul' thing and all."

"Yeah," Langly sighed, shifting slightly and making them both gasp at the sudden movement. He leaned down to capture the soft lips again as he started to move slowly.

As Langly rocked gently on him, finding a rhythm together, Byers slid his hands down the muscular back and again grasped Langly's hips. Closing his eyes, he focused on the powerful sensations coursing through his body, centered on his groin.

Byers curved his hand around Langly's ass, finding the crease with his fingers and sliding down between. He could feel himself slipping in and out of the younger man, the sensation almost unreal and he bit his lip to silence the threatening cry.

So focused on his own discovery he only belatedly noticed how the younger man was gripping his shoulders tightly, moaning softly with little pants into Byers' ear as he rocked faster. An almost inaudible mantra passing through his lips, he mumbled, "Yes, John, oh god... please..."

"Like that, baby?" Byers whispered as he continued to stroke his fingers near where they were joined and making Langly clench around him. "Oh god..."

He could feel the tightening in his groin, the swirling sensation in his stomach as he thrusted up into the willing body harder, moving closer to the edge. 

"John, please..." Langly's muffled plea against his shoulder sent another wave of desire through him and he slid his arms around Langly's body, signaling the younger man of his motive.

Byers rolled them over swiftly so that he was on top, Langly wrapping his legs around the other man's waist to keep him as close as physically possible. 

Regaining his sense of gravity, Langly opened his eyes to look at his most treasured sight. Byers, head thrown back and neck arched, tongue darting out to swipe at swollen, parted lips and sweat streaking down all evidence of his passion for the younger man.

All of his senses heightened, Langly couldn't hold back any longer. The rapid orgasm taking his body by force caught him by surprise, the intensity startling both men as Langly's body jerked, curling up around his center and he cried out. "JOHN!" 

Byers held his lover tight as he rode out the climax. Langly came powerfully, sticky wetness between them mingling with the sweat.

When Langly started to calm down, still reeling from the orgasm, Byers slid his hands down to grip firmly onto the hips below him and slammed hard into Langly, quickly reaching his own release with a shuddering sigh. 

Langly drifted back sometime later, the sounds of harsh, rapid breathing and the damp heat of their coupling bringing him back to his senses. He felt the dead weight of his sleeping lover still laying on him, in him. Lazily, he rubbed the slick skin of Byers' back as he felt their body rhythms slowing to normal.

The older man drowsily lifted his head, his eyes slitting open to peer at Langly. He reached a hand up to clumsily stroke at his sated lover's face. "Still think I'm cute?" he muttered slowly.

The bottom man chuckled and put his hands on both sides of Byers' face, leaning up to kiss his forehead. "Nope...I think you're fucking gorgeous."

Byers laughed and laid his head down on Langly's chest again. "I can live with that." 

After a few moments he felt Langly start to shift beneath him. "Johnny..."

"Hmm?"

"You're also heavy...can you get off me now?"

"Oh...right," Byers mumbled absently, pulling himself off his partner and crawling back to pull at the covers. "Come here," he said, reaching for Langly.

The younger man complied, shaking off the lightheadedness upon sitting up. He stumbled on his knees toward the other man and let himself be guided under the covers. 

Byers let Langly get settled, laying on his side and spooning into the older man's body behind him. He pulled the bedclothes over them and pressed his body against the sweat-dampened back.

"Lift up," Byers said softly. Langly lifted his head instantly so the older man could slide his arm under. The blonde head rested against his biceps and he sighed, sliding his other arm around to rest on Langly's stomach. "Okay?"

His only response was a soft snore.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

8:34am Sunday

Byers was awakened the next morning by a low, deep groaning sound from next to him. He turned his head to the other side, since sometime during the night he had ended up on his stomach. Opening his eyes, he saw Langly still curled up on his side next to him, his back to the older man.

Still more than half asleep, Byers figured he was imagining the sound and started to drift again, only to be startled awake by a sharper, louder moan.

He raised his head, looking at the other man. "Ree? You okay?" he mumbled sleepily, forcing himself to stay awake long enough to hear a response.

When none came, he shifted onto his side, leaning over to look at Langly's face. Eyes tightly shut, his face screwed up as if in intense pain. 

All thoughts of sleep were instantly gone at the sight of such distress in his lover. "Ringo? What's wrong, hon?" he said softly, reaching up to stroke the tightly curled arm. He looked down to see both of Langly's arms clutched tight around his abdomen.

"Don't feel good," Langly's response was muffled in the pillow he had his face buried in.

"You feel sick? Like, you need to throw up?" Byers asked, not really in the mood for twenty-questions but knowing it was usually the only way to get his lover to answer him honestly.

"No...just hurts."

"What hurts? Your stomach?" Byers reached down to gently rub Langly's bare abdomen. He pulled back quickly when he got a sharp yelp in return. "Sorry...?" he said, obviously confused.

"Not really...lower." Langly's answers were short, but not annoyed. He simply didn't have the energy to talk much and Byers realized that.

"Like, a cramp?" Byers offered, remembering how the younger man used to get cramps after their first few sexual encounters.

"Mmm...kinda, but not like that," he answered, as if reading Byers' mind. "This is a lot worse."

Byers sat up, alarmed. He knew Langly would never admit to being in pain unless it was serious. "Sweetie, can you lay on your back? So I can try to figure out where you're hurting?"

Langly shifted slowly, then gasped, curling up again. "Don't think so..." he grunted through clenched teeth.

The older man sighed, frustrated and concerned. "Ree, we need to figure out what's wrong..."

His lover sniffed, turning his head to look up at him. "No, it's okay. It'll go away pretty soon. Probably just a cramp, like you said."

"You sure?" Byers couldn't keep the disbelieving tone from his voice.

"Yeah," Langly gave him a crooked smile. 

Byers sighed, hoping he wouldn't regret not pushing the issue further. "Okay. Listen, I'm going to shower, and get dressed. If you don't feel better by the time I'm done, I'll bring you some breakfast in here, all right?"

"Sounds good, John." Langly replied quietly before burrowing into the bedding again.

By the time Byers returned from his shower, he found Langly sitting up gingerly in bed. He smiled as he crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed, toweling his hair dry. "Feeling better?"

Langly nodded with a smile. "Yeah, thanks," he said, rubbing his hand over his face. "Guess it was just a cramp."

"So, you feel up to getting out of bed then?" Byers flashed him a grin.

"I guess. Why, what are you plotting?" Langly responded, squinting at his lover with fond suspicion.

Byers shrugged as he stood. "Nothing. But we *do* only have two weeks until our next issue is due..."

Langly groaned and flopped back down onto the bed. "God, John! We just finished one yesterday--take a day off for once!" 

..oOOo..

3:22pm Sunday

Byers couldn't stop watching Langly. 

Not like he usually does, watching the graceful movements of his lover, imagining what he'd rather be doing to that wonderful body than just staring at it.

No, this was him watching with growing concern. 

Langly had been fine after that first, unexplained pain that morning. But in the last few hours Byers had noticed Langly getting very quiet and withdrawn, like he does if he feels sick. 

The older man had asked him several times if he felt all right, and always got a nod and smile from Langly. 

But now...he was getting more worried. He could see Langly sitting in front of his computer looking very distracted and more than a little pale. As he watched, he saw the younger man reach for a stack of hard disks only to knock them over with a trembling hand.

He had seen enough.

Byers stood up, looking across the workstation at Langly. "Ringo, you obviously aren't feeling 'okay'. You're shaking like a leaf and look like you're about to throw up."

Langly's head shot up at the sharp tone, the quick movement making his head reel. "No, I'm okay," he insisted, shaking off the feeling. "Maybe I just need some air..." he added, pushing his chair back to stand.

He made it two steps before collapsing with a dull thump.

"Shit--" Byers was at his side in a heartbeat, kneeling to check for vital signs. He let out a relieved sigh when he felt the steady pulse against his fingers. Not taking his eyes off the other man, he raised his voice. "Frohike!! Mel--get in here!"

"John?" Frohike's voice drifted in as he hurried into the office, alarmed by the frightened cry from the usually quiet Byers. Spotting the two younger men on the floor, he drew a sharp breath. He knelt carefully on Langly's other side, his eyes darting between the two men. "What happened?"

"I don't know; he just...passed out all of a sudden. Here--help me get him to the couch," Byers said, putting his arms under Langly's body to lift him, Frohike following his lead on the other side.

Helping Byers lay the young man gently on the couch, Frohike stepped back and watched as Byers sat down on the edge of the seat beside his lover, stroking his face softly. Looking away, the older man spotted the crumpled blanket laying on the chair and grabbed it, silently offering it to Byers.

"Thanks," the younger Gunman said absently, draping the blanket over his partner. 

After nearly ten minutes of strained silence, Langly finally started to show signs of waking up. He turned his head into the back cushion and took a deep breath before his eyes finally fluttered open. 

"John?" he said quietly, his voice rough with sleep. He felt Byers lightly stroke fingers down his cheek. 

"Hey there," Byers said gently, his face tight with worry. He put his hand against Langly's shoulder when the younger man moved to sit up. "It's okay, take it easy," he soothed. "How do you feel?"

Langly looked up at him, still dazed. "Um...okay, I guess. What happened?"

"You, uh...you passed out," the older man told him, exchanging a look with Frohike, who nodded.

"Oh..." Langly muttered softly, closing his eyes again, half asleep already.

Byers reached down to shake his shoulder gently. "No, you don't. You should be in bed, Ree," he said, sliding his hand beneath the younger man's back to push him into a sitting position. Langly looked at him, his eyes vaguely clouded. "Think you can make it down to our room?"

Langly nodded silently, swinging his legs off the couch and slowly climbing to his feet. He swayed dangerously, and Byers slipped an arm around his waist to support him. "Thanks," the younger man whispered hoarsely, leaning heavily on his lover.

"Come on," Byers helped him down the hall and into bed, where he fell asleep almost immediately.

..oOOo..

8:13am Monday

The next morning, Byers woke up to find himself alone.

He sat up wearily, rubbing his eyes with his palms to clear his sleep-fogged vision. He glanced down, the covers on the other side of the bed tangled and still warm, recently vacated.

Climbing out of bed, he pulled a t-shirt on and adjusted his pajama bottoms as he walked out into the hall. "Ringo?" he called softly, listening for sounds of the other man´s presence.

He heard a soft coughing sound, and saw the bathroom door half-closed. 

Pushing it open cautiously, he grimaced as the smell of bile hit him. He saw Langly kneeling over the toilet, retching.

"Oh, Ree..." he said softly, stepping quickly over to his lover and taking a knee next to him. Reaching up to take the held hair from Langly´s hand, he gently rubbed the younger man´s back as he continued to vomit.

A few minutes later, Langly stopped coughing and sat back on his heels. With an embarrassed and shaky little smile, he closed the lid and flushed the toilet. "Sorry, John..."

"For what, baby? You should have woken me up," Byers replied, still soothing the ill man with his hand, stroking his back tenderly.

Langly shrugged as he moved to stand, his knees like water but he managed to stay on his feet. "It hit me really suddenly. I barely woke up before I started feeling really sick," he told his lover, his voice very quiet from his raw throat.

Byers grabbed a nearby glass, filling it with water from the sink and handed it to the other man. Langly smiled his thanks, using the water to rinse away the bad taste in his mouth. "You were fine last night...right?" he looked at the other man searchingly.

The younger man nodded, emptying the water glass and brushing past Byers out the door. "I don´t know. Maybe it´s just one of those twenty-four hour things." He reached back to grab his glasses from the counter and slipped them on his nose. 

"You feel okay now?" Byers asked skeptically, following his lover back to their room and watching his every move. When Langly turned back to face him, the older man put his hand against his forehead to check for temperature. "You feel warm..."

Langly shook him off. "I´m fine."

By later that day, the younger man was indeed showing signs of his normal healthy self. Despite his earlier nausea, he found that he was hungry. A lot.

When Frohike pointed this out, his young roommate simply shrugged his shoulders noncommittally and grabbed another slice of pizza. 

As for Byers, he just took it as a good sign and let it pass.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

9:02 am Tuesday

The next morning, still in bed, Byers felt the warm figure wrapped in his arms shift hurriedly and disentangle himself in his mad rush to get to the bathroom.

Byers followed him after taking a moment to wake up and pull on a shirt. Grabbing Langly´s glasses from the nightstand, he made his way down the hall.

When Langly finished vomiting, he leaned back onto his heels. He started to shift, raising up on his knees to stand but suddenly hissed in pain and fell against Byers, into his secure embrace.

"God, Ree..." he whispered into the soft, damp hair against his lips, absently combing his fingers through the strands as Langly steadied his breathing. He brushed the hair back from the too-warm forehead. The fever had returned, even higher now, to the man trembling in his arms.

After a few minutes the younger man seemed to gather himself again. "Sorry..." he said so quietly the older man wasn´t sure he had said it.

"S´okay, hon," Byers soothed him quietly, gently rubbing his hand over Langly´s back. He ran his hand down to the lower part and felt the other man jerk away from the touch with a grunt of pain. "What--what´s wrong?"

Langly shook his head slightly, wincing as he tried to sit up. "Don´t know..." he mumbled. "...hurts..."

"What hurts? Your back? Where I touched you?" Byers felt another round of twenty questions coming on, but didn´t care. All he wanted was to find out what was hurting his lover and to make it go away.

The younger man nodded and started to stand, using the edge of the sink to lever himself. 

Byers reached down to help him up and steadied him when he started to sway. "Ree, this is getting serious; there might be something really wrong with you," the older man told him softly, not wanting to cause any more distress but knowing he had to make his argument strong. "I´m going to take you to a doctor," he said, his tone giving a definite finality to the statement.

To his surprise, Langly simply nodded in agreement. That in itself was enough to make Byers worry even more. It was unlike Langly not to put up at least a token fight against seeing a doctor, his mis-trust of the medical profession notorious. 

For him to agree without a single protest was unheard of, Byers thought to himself as he patiently led Langly back to their room to get dressed.

..oOOo..

10:34 am Tuesday

Langly sat on the exam table, nervously fidgeting with his hands in his lap until Byers put one of his own hands on top of the twitching ones to still them. "Relax," the older man told him gently. "She´s just going to do some tests, ask some questions. Nothing to worry about."

The younger man smiled at him gratefully, but wrapped his hands in a tight, desperate grip around the other man´s. 

Byers looked up to catch his eye, and felt his stomach tighten at the obvious fear he saw in the other man´s unfocused gaze. He moved his chair closer, bringing his other hand up to join the tangle of fingers. He stroked his thumb lightly over Langly´s wrist, a soothing motion he had discovered often worked to calm his partner´s nerves.

Lost in thought, in the depths of emotion, he barely registered the door opening but heard the soft voice and approaching footsteps. "Good morning, gentlemen. I´m Dr. Kerry Larson," she informed them in a warm, pleasant tone. 

Langly looked up at her and smiled politely, pulling one of his hands from the embrace and reaching to shake her hand. "Hi, I´m Ringo," he said.

"Ah, Mr. Langly," she nodded, checking the chart in her hand to confirm. She turned to Byers sitting nearby. "And you´re Mr. Byers, right?" she asked, glancing at the paper again.

He nodded. "Just John, please."

She gave him an understanding smile. "Okay, John. I assume it´s just Ringo, right?" she looked back to Langly, who nodded. "Well, as long as we´re all first-name, you guys can call me Kerry. I just need to ask you some questions, first, to get an idea of what´s going on."

"Shoot," Langly said, feeling much more relaxed with this comfortable doctor.

"You wrote here that you have been vomiting and running a fever for the past three days?"

"Well, kind of. The first day it was just a pain, like a cramp. And the last two days it´s just been in the morning. After that I´m fine."

"Okay," she made a note on the chart as she listened. "And this morning you also had pain in your lower back?"

Langly nodded. "Yeah, I think it was just from throwing up, though."

"Maybe. We´ll worry about that later. First thing, I need to some stats," she told him, already digging through drawers. 

She took his temperature, which was a bit higher than normal. His blood pressure was also high, she noted. "It looks like you have a few early symptoms of the flu, but I´d like to run some blood tests, just to be sure." 

Langly flinched and looked away while she took his blood. She gave him a reassuring pat on the arm before turning away for the door. "I´ll get this to the lab now, but it may take a few hours until the results come back. You don´t have to wait here, but please stay close by so I can find you later, okay?"

"Sure, thank you," Langly gave her a smile as she left. "Well?" he turned back to Byers.

The older man shrugged. "Well, we can wander around, if you feel up to it," he offered, holding a hand out to the other man as he stood.

Langly took his hand and slid off the table. "Sure...don´t feel much like sitting around." 

..oOOo..

Almost three hours later, the doctor finally returned to the exam room, where the two men had been waiting for about twenty minutes, not wanting to make her have to track them down.

"Well, I have to say I´m honestly not sure what to make of these results," she told them, shaking her head slightly as she studied the chart. "As far as any kind of infection or illness, they found no traces. I was actually leaning toward those lines. I do need to ask you both some personal questions, to give me some idea of what I´m looking for."

"Okay," Langly said, getting the hint about what kind of personal questions. 

"I´m assuming you two are partners, correct?"

They both nodded. 

"Are you sexually active?"

Again, the synchronized nod, this time accompanied by a faint blush from Byers.

"Do you practice safe sex? Specifically, do you use condoms?" She spoke with a kind, professional demeanor, knowing that they were both uncomfortable discussing their very private lives.

"Oh...um, not...not often, no," Byers answered her, nervously fidgeting with his hands in his lap.

"Okay. The reason I need to ask you is there is the possibility that unprotected sex can cause infections, even if you both are free of STDs?" she ended with a questioning tone.

"Yes, we are," Langly pitched in with the response. 

"All right. Well, one of the things we tested for was kidney infection, which is common. I even had them double check that one, but there are no signs of any kind of infection. However, there are some unusual things showing up in the sample we took," she told them, flipping through the folder in her hand to find a page of blood chemistry findings. "Some very unusual things, actually."

The two men leaned over the page, studying the long list of chemicals and who knows what else on the sheet. She pointed to a group of names near the bottom of the page. "These, for example. I had to check back with the technician to make sure I had read these right. You have a significant hormone imbalance that I´ve never seen...well, outside of, um, pregnant women, actually." 

Two heads shot up at that statement in shock, Langly´s mouth gaping at the words. "Uhh...pregnant women?" he choked out.

Dr. Larson nodded, obviously just as perplexed. "These hormones here--Progesterone, and HCG, are only found in pregnant women. HCG is what shows up in pregnancy tests to confirm the positive result. And here--alpha fetoprotein, is a chemical produced by... well, the baby."

Langly looked at Byers, his face suddenly losing all color. He gripped the edge of the table until his hands turned white. "Oh, god. Um...what does that mean, exactly? For me?"

"Honestly, I don´t know. If these were normal circumstances, I would say that you are pregnant. But, obviously that is not the case here," she told him firmly. "Until I can confirm these results and get some clue as to why these are showing up in your blood, I´d like to admit you. These are very unusual circumstances, and since you have already been ill for a few days, I´m concerned about what this imbalance is doing to your system."

"Admit? You want me to stay in the hospital?" Langly asked, his soft, unsteady tone betraying his fear.

"Yes, I would. You need to be under observation, in case there are any changes. I´ll have a nurse come and get you checked in and into a room."

With that, she gave them a brief, encouraging smile and left the room, leaving a very confused and slack-jawed pair of Gunmen in her wake.

..oOOo..

While Langly was being settled into a private room, Byers took the opportunity to call Frohike.

"Hey, Mel, it´s John," he said when Frohike answered the phone.

"John, hey. What´s up--is Ringo okay?"

"Um, they´re not sure, actually. There´s some weird things going on with his blood chemistry and they are admitting him for observation."

"Admitting? God, that sounds serious," Frohike´s voice dropped with concern. "How´re you guys doing?"

"We´re okay for now, thanks. I think Ree´s a bit scared, actually... guess maybe I am, too," he admitted softly.

"John, what´s going on? What exactly did the doctors say?"

"She said...god, I can´t believe I´m even saying this..." he said, laughed humorlessly. "She said that according to the blood test results, he´s...well, he´s pregnant."

Silence on the other end of the phone made Byers wonder if the older man had hung up on him. "Mel? You still there?"

A choked cough told him that Frohike was still on the phone. "Yeah, I´m here. Jesus...what--I mean, how can that..."

"Nobody knows. That´s why they´re keeping him here. They think maybe it´s just a hormone imbalance or something. I guess... well, I´m gonna stay with him as long as they let me..."

"Of course. He´s probably freaking out right now. Just...you know..." Frohike didn´t know what else to say, but he knew with his two best friends, words weren´t always necessary.

"Yeah, I know. I´ll take care of him. Thanks, Mel. I´ll call you as soon as we know anything."

"Sure, I´ll be here. Take care of yourselves."

"We will. Talk to you later," he said, grateful for the unquestioning support of his friend.

"Later, John."

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

3:46pm Tuesday

Langly fidgeted uncomfortably with his unflattering hospital gown as he tried to settle into the bed. "Why do I have to stay here? I feel fine..." he grumbled as he pulled the thin sheet and blanket up around his waist and crossed his arms over his abdomen. 

"You felt fine the last two afternoons, too. They need to keep an eye on you mostly to see if you get sick in the morning again." Byers leaned back in the chair he´d pulled up next to Langly´s bed.

The younger man snorted derisively. "Yeah, right...the morning sickness," he shook his head in disbelief, then suddenly grew serious. "John, what if this thing is real?" he asked quietly, looking at his lover expectantly.

"If what is real? They don´t even know what wrong with you yet," he answered.

"Well, there is one pretty convincing theory..." Langly reminded him abruptly.

"Ree," Byers sighed, leaning forward to lean his elbows on the bed and look up at the other man. "You know as well as the doctors do that it´s not physically possible for you to be pregnant. There *is* something wrong, but we just need to give them time to find out what that is."

Langly sighed, leaning back against the raised bed into the pillows. He brought his hand up to gently rub his lower stomach in thought. "Yeah...but I just...I have this feeling, John," he insisted in a shaky voice. He looked up to meet Byers´ eyes. "What if this *is* real? I mean, if I´m this sick in the first few days, what happens later--" he rattled on nervously.

"Ree, Ree--stop," Byers put a hand up to quiet him, then placed the hand over the one Langly had rubbing over his abdomen. "It won´t do any good to get worked up over something that can´t even be possible. We just...need to give the doctor some time, okay?"

The younger man gave him a slow nod, swallowing hard. All of a sudden, his eyes widened in realization. "That--John, I just remembered something. You remember when we went to that bookstore a few days ago, the day before this started?"

Byers nodded, trying to keep up with the hurried thinking-out-loud Langly was doing. The younger man continued before he could say anything. "That old woman; she touched my stomach and said something...I was trying to figure out what it was and it just occurred to me. The women there were Chinese, right?"

The older man nodded silently and let Langly keep going. "Listen, there are sects of Buddhism that are devoted to the worship of reproduction...fertility, or something. What she said, I thought I recognized one of the words...she said �Shiva´."

"´Shiva´? What´s that?" Byers asked, interested in where this insane train of thought was going.

"Shiva is one of the religious figures, a fertility god. He represents the joining of two people, the two opposites, male and female. What if the woman at the shop did something to me? Like, a prayer or something, that is making my body think I´m supposed to have a baby?"

"Ringo, this is nuts!" Byers finally cut in, unable to believe the conclusions his lover was jumping to with absolutely no evidence. "You *can´t* get pregnant! And someone touching you won´t cause this kind of imbalance!"

Langly stared at him, hurt. "John, what else do we have to go on? The timing is too perfect, and the situation is beyond coincidental. Please," he took Byers´ hand and squeezed in desperation. "Can you go back there and ask the woman´s daughter what she did? I need to know. Please." 

Byers had never seen Langly so sure, so completely focused on such an absurd idea. But he found himself nodding. He didn´t believe he would learn anything useful, but he saw how much Langly needed this. "Yeah, okay," he said finally, standing up. Picking up his jacket, he looked down at the other man. "Just... stay out of trouble, okay? Call my cell if you need anything."

"I will. Thanks, John." Langly settled back down into the bed.

The older man reached down and stroked his hair. "I love you, you know that?"

"Yeah, I know. I love you too," Langly answered with a sweet smile, tilting his head to kiss Byers´ wrist before the older man left the room.

..oOOo..

Byers shivered involuntarily as he entered the bookstore, then pushed the unsettled feeling aside. He glanced around, finally spotting the short, younger woman from the last visit.

She gave him a warm, friendly smile, which abruptly changed to a nervous one as she recognized him. "Hello, back so soon?" she said lightly.

"Yes, but I´d actually like to talk to you. It´s about my friend, who was with me a few days ago here." He stepped up and leaned on his arms against the counter facing her.

"Oh, yes. The blonde man...he is your lover, yes?"

Byers straightened quickly, stunned at her knowledge. "Um, yes, we are together. How did you know that?"

She ducked her head shyly, not hiding her knowing smile. "I see how you acted together, how he looked at you, and how you were protective of him."

"Oh. Um, I guess that makes this easier, then," he stated, leaning on the counter again. "My friend is sick; he started getting sick the day after we were here, and he asked me to come talk to you. He thinks that your mother may have something to do with his illness."

"My mother..." she repeated softly, closing her eyes as if in regret. "I´m sorry, she misunderstood. She was just trying to help..."

"Whoa, hold on. First, I need to know what happened. What did she say to him, and why did she touch him like that?"

The young Chinese woman sighed. "Mother is faithful to the Shiva Linga religion, related to Buddhism. They are strong believers in the power of blessing to aid fertility. She...she meant no harm. She saw how he was watching you with my little boy, how he longed to be able to give you a child."

"She...she saw this? She knew we were lovers?" he asked, dumb-founded.

"Yes, she knows of same-sex relationships. Your friend, he wanted so badly to give you a child, Mother believed she could give him the blessing, so he could be capable of having a child."

Byers took a step back, shaking his head in disbelief. "No...no, it´s not physically possible! He can´t..." he choked, running his hand through his hair in frustration. 

"According to the Shiva beliefs, anyone who has been blessed with this gift will be given a child with the next joining."

"Next joining?" the shell-shocked Byers repeated, trying to stay with her but his mind was reeling uncontrollably.

"Yes. And you say he is sick now...may I assume that you have joined with him since the touch?" she narrowed her eyes at him, curiously.

"Um...yes, we have..." he answered without thinking. "Does this mean...I mean, how can...?"

"It means his body was given the ability to conceive a child."

..oOOo..

Langly stared at Byers as the older man recounted his conversation with the store owner, growing so pale Byers wondered if he should get a nurse.

"No, it´s okay," the younger man assured him. "I´m just...oh, god, John!"

"Ree, let´s not jump to any conclusion yet, please," Byers stood and paced the room in deep thought. "Everything she said was based only on a religious belief, a myth. Whatever is wrong with you, it has to just be a coincidence. It´s not physiologically possible for you to be pregnant!"

Langly leaned to rest his elbows on his knees, his legs crossed under the blanket in front of him. He buried his face in his hands and took a deep breath. "John, would you please at least consider the possibility?"

Byers stopped, turning back to face his lover. "Ree, I just can´t...." he spread his arms helplessly.

The younger man sighed, exasperated. "Okay. Will you...at least tell Dr. Larson about this?"

"Why?" 

"Just...because I think it´s important. Please. I can´t ask you to accept this as absolutely true; all I ask is that you trust me, trust my own instincts. It just...feels right." Langly looked at him, pleading for understanding. 

The older man held his gaze for a long moment, then nodded slowly. He walked back over to the other man and sat down on the bed in front of him, taking his hand. "Okay, I´ll talk to her. Don´t worry," he said softly, reaching his other hand up to brush the loose strands of hair back and tuck them behind Langly´s ear. "We´ll figure this out."

Langly nodded, sitting back against the pillow. Without thinking, he placed his hand on his abdomen again, rubbing it gently in thought. When he realized he was doing it, he looked up and smiled weakly at the other man. "I can´t help but wonder..." he muttered so softly, Byers barely heard him.

Byers scooted closer and bend down, pressing his ear to Langly´s midsection. The younger man smiled, knowing that his lover was at least trying to believe him. 

Silently, Langly laid back, stroking at Byers´ short, silky hair and watching as the older man did his best to listen.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

Larson´s reaction to the theory was understandably skeptical, but she agreed that they had little else to go on. She took another blood sample from Langly and told them she would run the tests herself. She explained that she wanted to keep this private, between only herself and the two men involved.

When she returned with the newest test results, Langly was so anxious to see them he was practically vibrating. Byers held his hand to keep him still. "Is it the same?" the younger man asked abruptly as she walked in the door.

The doctor smiled at her excitable patient and handed over the folder, which he dug into immediately. "Yes; actually, the imbalance is even more pronounced, with higher levels of HCG than before." She shook her head in perplexed wonder. "I honestly don´t know what to tell you."

Byers looked up at her from the pages now scattered across the blanket. He bit his lip, concerned. "Is he in any danger? I mean, what can this be doing to his system right now?"

She shrugged. "From what I can see, and from what you guys have told me, it doesn´t seem to be doing any serious harm. Granted, vomiting, fever and back pain can´t be very pleasant, and it does worry me. But so far, it looks like he´s just going through some early symptoms of pregnancy. How that´s even possible, I don´t know."

The older man sighed, glancing down at the thoroughly occupied patient. He thought for a moment, then spoke again. "Could this be psychosomatic?" 

Langly´s head shot up at that, giving Byers a questioning look but stayed silent.

"Why? Do you know someone close to you who is pregnant, or has been recently?"

"Yes, a friend of ours. Could this just be some kind of....um, like, *sympathy* illness?" Langly contributed quietly.

The doctor considered that, then shook her head slightly. "I´m not sure..." she said. "I mean, I´ve seen this kind of thing on a smaller level in expectant fathers, but never any chemical or uncontrollable physical response like you are having."

"Oh," Byers sighed. "Well, would it be all right if we called our friend in to help, anyway? She´s a medical doctor, and she kind of specializes in...uh, unusual circumstances."

"That might be a good idea, actually. She may be able to figure this out better than any doctors around here, including me. Let me know if she´ll be around; I´d like to talk to her as well." 

"Of course. We´ll page you if you´re still on duty." Byers gave her a smile before she turned and left the room.

With a weary sigh, Byers flopped down into the chair. "This is just getting weirder, Ree."

"Yeah..." Langly agreed. "So, you gonna call Scully in?"

"I think we need to. I mean, it seems like she´s the best person to ask about something like this, don´t you?"

Langly nodded reluctantly. "I just hope she doesn´t think we´re nuts."

"She won´t, don´t worry. It´s not just you; there´s these test results that can´t be explained, either." Byers waved a hand indicating the papers on the bed.

The younger man just nodded vaguely, his gaze unfocused. 

Byers leaned forward, looking up at him with concern. "Ree? You okay?"

Langly glanced at him quickly, as if drawn from deep thought. "Huh? Oh, yeah, I´m fine. Just thinking..."

"About what?"

The younger man snorted. "What do you think? It´s just..." he started, his fist tightening as he started, then decided against it and raked his hand through his hair instead. "I wish there was a way for you to understand how I feel. It´s like...I *feel* different, you know?" He shook his head, frustrated at his lack of words. "Of course you don´t..."

"Ree, I can´t know unless you tell me, hon. Try."

"What´s the point?" Langly shot back suddenly. "You and Larson and everyone else are just looking for the logical, scientific excuse for whatever is going on with me. None of you will even consider the possibility that maybe...just *maybe*, I could be really carrying a child!"

Byers sat back, wide-eyed and stunned at the angry, emotional outburst. "God, Ringo..." he said quietly, reaching up to stroke the other man´s arm gently. "You know, it´s not that I´m trying not to believe you, it´s just...it´s too soon to know what´s going on."

Langly looked away, his jaw clenched in silent anger.

The older man moved, sitting on the bed in front of his lover, bringing one hand up to gently turn the other man´s face toward him. "Listen to me. Even if there is the slightest chance that you are right, I would still rather know all the facts before jumping into this, okay?"

When he got no answer, he continued. "Believe me on this. If it were really possible, you have to know how happy it would make me to have children with you. But the moment I fell in love with you, I consciously made that choice, knowing that neither of us would ever be fathers. 

"Seeing you like this, stuck in the hospital and in pain...that´s not worth it, baby. I won´t risk putting you though this, risking your health or even your life because of something that isn´t supposed to happen. Okay?"

Reluctantly, Langly gave him a small nod of understanding. "Yeah," he said quietly. "You´re right."

The two men sat in tense, uncertain silence until the night nurse came to the room to settle Langly in for the evening. 

Visiting hours over, Byers stood to leave his lover for the night. He shrugged on his jacket, then leaned over the other man. "You going to be okay?" he said softly, absently arranging the blanket as Langly made himself comfortable.

The younger man nodded, resting his head on the pillow. 

"Okay," Byers smiled at him. "Get some sleep, and I´ll come back in the morning." He bend down to kiss his partner´s forehead gently. "Love you." 

Langly rolled his eyes, shooting an embarrassed glance towards the nearby nurse, who was holding back her own smile. "Love you too... now go home!" he said with a teasing smile.

"I´m going already! Call if you need anything..."

"Yeah, I know...thanks."

..oOOo..

8:04 am Wednesday

When Byers got to Langly´s room the next morning, he wasn´t surprised to find the bed empty, the tangled sheets and blanket evidence enough to tell the older man what his lover was doing.

That, and the unmistakable sound of retching coming from the tiny bathroom attached to the room.

Byers only made it as far as the end of the bed before he saw the younger man stumble out of the room, supported gently by a nurse. The older man immediately took over, helping Langly back into bed. He almost missed the weakly whispered "Thanks," as the ill man fell back asleep as soon as he hit the mattress.

Fussing with pulling the blankets over her patient, the nurse glanced at Byers briefly. "When I came to check on him about ten minutes ago he was already getting sick," she said apologetically. 

"It´s okay, we were kind of expecting it. Um, can you page his doctor? She´s Kerri Larson; she needs to know he got sick again."

"Of course, I´ll go page her," she said pleasantly, striding out of the room quickly.

Byers looked down at his sleeping lover and sighed. The younger man´s hair was a hopelessly tangled mess, his face flushed and breathing labored from being sick. A light touch of his fingers against Langly´s forehead confirmed the presence of the fever. "Oh, Ree..." he breathed quietly before taking his now-familiar seat next to the bed.

When Larson arrived fifteen minutes later, Langly was still asleep. "How´s he doing?" she asked as soon as she got into the room, taking up the chart at the end of the bed to study the overnight notes.

"Well, when I got here he was throwing up, but one of the nurses was taking care of him," Byers answered.

She nodded as she started taking Langly´s stats even as he slept, jotting notes on the page as she went. "Well, he seems to be okay now; just sleeping. Did you get a chance to call your doctor friend?"

"Yeah, I called her last night. She said she´d try to come over sometime today, but it probably won´t be until late this afternoon when she gets off work."

Again, the doctor nodded agreeably. She took a last glance over her patient and started back toward the door. "I´ll be around all day, so if anything changes make sure that I´m paged. As soon as your friend gets here tell her to ask for Ringo´s charts at the nurse´s station; let her get a head start into this so we can compare notes."

"I´ll do that, thanks." Byers leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms over his chest. 

After she´d left, he sighed quietly to himself. "Not that it´ll do her any good," he mumbled.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

10:42 am

"John?" a weak, scratchy inquiry brought Byers out of his reverie. 

The older man moved his chair closer, leaning over to look down at Langly. "Hey, hon. You feeling better?" he asked softly, his hand brushing away the stray strands of hair from the younger man´s forehead.

"Mmm...I guess..." Langly mumbled back. He yawned as he sat up a bit. "What time is it?"

"Almost eleven. You remember getting sick this morning?"

"Um...a little," he squinted, rubbing his hand over his face wearily. "I think I was kind of out of it. You were here then?"

"Well, you were, uh, sort of finishing up when I got here, and you passed out as soon as we got you back in bed."

"Oh," Langly blushed and fidgeted with his hands in his lap. "Guess that would explain that dream about the threesome..."

The older man stared at his lover, at a complete loss for words. 

He must have looked pretty funny, because Langly was the first to break, chuckling and shaking his head. "John, I´m kidding!"

"Huh? Oh--oh! Right, of course," Byers responded quickly, obviously flustered. He cleared his throat, ready to change the subject. "So...how are you feeling now? Want to try eating something?"

Langly sighed softly. "Not really...I feel better, but not really up to eating yet. Not sure; I guess...I´m kind of...restless, I think. I just have the urge to get up, walk around." 

"You want to take a walk?" Byers offered. "I´d have to clear it with the nurse."

The younger man considered, then nodded anxiously. "Yeah, I do."

"Okay, stay there for a minute, I´ll go check with them." 

Byers stood and left, returning a few moments later. "They said it should be fine, we just have to stay in this area." He went over to the small wardrobe and grabbed the thin, hospital-issue white robe hanging from the door. "Here, let´s get you into this."

Langly swung his legs over the edge of the bed, holding the edges of his gown uncomfortably. "Why, John...I believe this is the first time you´ve tried to get me *into* an article of clothing," he teased as he stood.

The older man snickered as he helped his lover into the garment. "Hardly. I practically have to dress you every morning. Besides, we can´t have you catching a cold to add to your problems, now can we?"

"Whatever you tell yourself, babe. I´m thinking maybe you´re just a little worried about having me wandering the halls in this skimpy little gown, what with all the cute nurses around to take in the view?" he grinned suggestively as he pulled the slippers from the floor over his sock-covered feet.

Byers snorted at that. "Oh, yeah, that´s it." He strode towards the door, opening it and waving the other man out with an exaggerated fluerish. "Any nurses around here that don´t already know about us will find out soon enough."

Strolling comfortably next to his lover, Langly raised his eyebrows curiously. "How´s that?"

The older man reached down and took Langly´s left hand. "Well, there´s the wedding ring, for starters..." he reminded his lover by lightly running his thumb over the silver band before lacing their fingers together.

Langly smiled sweetly, surprised and very pleased to have the other man giving him a rare display of affection in public. He squeezed Byers´ hand gently. "Well, this should do the trick, too."

They wandered aimlessly down the quiet halls in silence for a while, enjoying the simple closeness of the other and letting the carefree illusion ease their minds for however short a time.

"What are you thinking about?" Byers broke the silence softly.

"Hmm? Oh, nothing...just the usual runaway trains of thought," the younger man answered lightly. 

"Huh," Byers grunted. After a short pause, he tried again. "Ree, seriously," he said, stopping in his tracks, his grip on Langly´s hand forcing the younger man to stop as well. "You´re too quiet; what´s wrong?"

Langly sighed, looking away. "John, I--" he started, then shook his head. "I know this whole thing about the...the �pregnancy´ stuff is really hard to believe, but you won´t even give it a second thought."

"I´m just trying to keep things in perspective," Byers defended himself firmly. 

"And I´m not? Just because my perspective is a bit more open than yours?" Langly pulled his hand back and took a few steps away, pacing with agitated energy. "John, I don´t want our different viewpoints to come between us, but I also don´t want you to totally dismiss mine this soon. I understand that there is going to be a more definite medical explanation at some point, but you have to be able to deal with the possibility that I could be right."

Byers stood there, not knowing what to say. Finally, he closed the gap between them and took his lover into his arms gently, holding him for a long moment in silence. 

He pulled back slightly to look at Langly´s face. "This is really important to you, isn´t it? You´re really serious about wanting a child?"

Langly met his eyes and nodded. "I...I saw how you were with that little boy, how naturally you act with kids. It just seems like such a waste for you to give that up to be with me."

"Oh, god, Ree!" Byers whispered, his arms tightening around the other man again briefly before stepping back. "I already told you; I made that choice when I fell in love with you. It was my choice, and it´s not something you need to worry about. I´m not about to give *you* up to have children. I don´t want to lose you. Understand?" 

Byers had kept his voice down, but the impact of his words hit Langly with an almost physical force. "Yeah," he managed to rasp. Gathering his wits again, he took a deep breath. "But what if--"

"We´ll deal with that as soon as we get some more answers, okay?" the older man cut him off.

Langly nodded silently, taking Byers´ hand again. "Come on, let´s go back."

..oOOo..

As they reached the door to Langly´s room, Dr. Larson approached from the other direction. "Hello, gentlemen," she greeted them warmly, opening the door for them. "I see you´re feeling better, Ringo."

"Yeah, I am, thank you," the young man responded as he sat on the bed, kicking the slippers off and leaning back on his arms.

"That´s good to hear. I´d like to do a quick exam and take another blood sample," she told him, moving to stand next to the bed and gesturing silently to his robe. 

With a dramatic sigh, he took the robe off and handed it to Byers. He twisted around, bringing his legs up onto the bed in front of him.

"Good," Larson smiled at her patient´s obedience. "Now, tell me," she said as she started poking and prodding at him. "Any new or worse symptoms so far this morning?"

Langly shook his head, trying to watch her working. "Just the throwing up part this morning," he answered.

The doctor gave a noncommittal "Mmmhmm." She stepped around to place her hand on Langly´s back, her other hand on his shoulder to hold him still. When she touched his lower back, he jumped with a sharp gasp, a tiny whimper escaping his throat.

Her head shot up to look at his face, his eyes clamped shut in obvious pain. "That hurt?" 

Langly caught his breath and nodded sharply. "Yeah, it hurt," he grunted, his jaw still clenched.

She probed his back more carefully with her hand, slipping under the thin fabric of the gown to check for swelling or any other visible injury. Getting the occasional hiss of discomfort from Langly, she stopped and stepped in front of him. "Was it hurting when you were walking around?"

"No, it was fine until you touched me," he responded, his tone not accusing. 

Larson frowned, perplexed. Picking up the chart from the bed, she placed her hand on Langly´s shoulder and gently pushed him back. "I want you to lay still for a while. I´m going to order an MRI and X-ray for your abdomen and lower spine. There´s definitely something going on in there." 

"Yeah, I know," he mumbled. 

"I need to get a blood sample while I´m here; it might give us an idea what to look for on the scans," she said. She produced the necessary supplies, quickly swabbing his arm and taking some blood with the syringe. "I´ll be back later. I´ll try to get you into the lab as soon as possible, but it will be a few hours. Try not to move around too much," she told Langly, picking up the chart and vial of blood and leaving quickly.

As soon as she was gone, Byers sat on the edge of the bed and looked down at Langly. He absently stroked his hand down the younger man´s arm. "You okay? I mean, your back..."

Langly nodded against the pillow under his head. "Yeah...it´s okay." He shifted uncomfortably, and winced slightly. "Can you..." he said, raising himself on his elbows in an attempt to sit up.

Byers read his mind, raising the top of the bed for Langly to sit up against. "Better?"

"Perfect...thanks."

"So...now what?" Byers glanced around as if expecting to find something to distract them. Not surprisingly, he found nothing.

"Now...we wait," Langly answered.

..oOOo..

4:53 pm

Byers paced the room nervously as he waited for Langly to be brought back. The younger man had been taken to be scanned and X-rayed by way of wheelchair, despite his self-conscious protests.

The older man couldn´t help but be worried. He had seen his lover´s reaction to Larson´s ministrations, and felt helpless to do anything, his own dedication to protecting the younger man leaving him feeling empty as he watched.

"Byers?" a familiar voice cut through his layers of self-induced guilt. 

Looking up, he saw Agent Scully step into the room towards him cautiously. "Oh--Scully, hi," he said distractedly, belatedly remembering to stop pacing.

"Hi," she replied. "Everything okay? I knocked but you didn´t hear me." She glanced around, finally taking in the unoccupied bed. "Where´s Langly?" she asked carefully, her tone gentle.

"Oh...um, he´s okay, I think. They´re doing MRIs and things," Byers answered without really thinking. He finally sighed and sat on the bed. "Sorry, I get really nervous when he´s sick, you know?" he smiled apologetically.

Taking the empty chair, Scully smiled reassuringly at him. "I´m sure he´ll be fine." She glanced around, her eyes landing on the chart laying on the bed. Reaching up, she grabbed it and looked over the pages. "I looked over the results they handed me at the nurses´ station; this is really unusual," she shook her head as she scanned the papers.

"Yeah, for a guy. But it´s familiar to you, isn´t it?" Byers looked at her pointedly.

Taking the blatant hint, she nodded. "Yes, I have seen these kind of results recently, in my own tests. The question still remains; *why* are these being produced in him?"

Byers just shook his head. "I´m sorry, I´m not really sure why I asked you here. I just..."

"John, it´s all right," the agent assured him gently. "I´m glad you did; it´s always good to have a second opinion in something like this. Besides, I owe you guys the consultation, anyway," she grinned at him.

He gave her a smile, relaxing a bit. "I really appreciate you doing this. Honestly, I think we need the distraction. I mean, I want to give the doctor time to figure this out, but Langly´s all but convinced that he´s pregnant based solely on those test results and his own symptoms."

"Well, I don´t blame him, considering they really are the classic signs of early conception. But I think you´re right; he´s not taking into account the physiological aspect of this. He´s just not built to carry a baby, and there´s no known reason for this to be happening to him. I´ll need to go over this with Dr. Larson before I can even begin to consider possible causes."

Byers simply nodded in agreement, at a loss for a response.

The thick pause was short-lived as the nurse returned with Langly. Upon seeing Scully, the younger man blushed profusely and wrapped his arms around his chest self-consciously. He shook off the nurse´s attempt to help him as he climbed back onto the bed. 

After the nurse had left, he groaned softly and fell onto his side in relief, his head at the foot of the bed. "John, do you think they have special classes at med school where they teach them as many ways as possible to humiliate their patients?" 

Scully pitched in with the answer. "No, they just added them into each course as we go." 

"Oh--hi, Scully," Langly gave her a little wave of his hand, pretending he´d forgotten she was there.

Byers just smiled and sat at the end of the bed next to the other man´s head, absently petting Langly´s hair. "So...I take it everything went well?" he asked innocently.

The younger man groaned again. "Well, I´m still alive, if that´s what you mean."

"Well, I would hope so. So, what did she do to you that was so embarrassing?" Scully asked curiously.

Langly blushed again, avoiding looking at her. "She," he started, then sighed. "She made me take off all my clothes for the MRI."

"That´s not unusual, since they were scanning your lower back and abdomen."

"If that´s true, they could at least turn the heat up in that room; it was freezing..."

Byers grinned as he finally caught on to what Langly was saying. "That´s okay," he rubbed his lover´s shoulder affectionately. "I´m the only one that counts when it comes to judging your anatomy, remember?"

Scully laughed as she caught the not-so-subtle conversation. She did her best to stop when she saw Langly bury his face in his hands. "Sorry, Langly. I´m sure they understand. The room is kept cold to protect the computers, you should know that."

Deciding a change of subject was at hand, she continued. "Did Larson say when the results would come back?"

"About half an hour, she said," Langly responded, finally looking up.

The agent nodded and leaned back in the chair. She watched fondly as Byers continued to stroke Langly´s hair, the younger man closing his eyes.

..oOOo..

Scully and Byers looked up when the door opened cautiously a while later; Langly had fallen asleep where he lay sprawled backwards on the bed.

Larson smiled at the two men on the bed, then turned her attention to Scully. "Hello, I´m Dr. Larson," she held out her hand politely.

"Hi, I´m Dana Scully," the agent replied, shaking the other woman´s hand. "I was told you would have MRI results?"

"Right here," the doctor replied, flipping open a folder and holding one of the prints to the light for Scully to see. "I think we may have found something." She pointed to a dark area near the middle of the page.

"What is that?" Scully asked, squinting at the picture.

"I´m not exactly sure, but comparing these with the X-rays and the physical exam, I´m leaning towards a possible buildup of blood, caused by this mass here behind the prostate."

"Isn´t that serious?" Scully looked at her incredulously.

"It could be, in time. I don´t believe he´s in any immediate danger. The area with the mass is small and has no organs near it, other than the prostate. My only concern is if too much blood builds up, it may put pressure on his spinal chord. My major concern is that considering it´s placement, that it may be tumorous." 

"That´s a bad thing, right?" Langly´s sleepy voice joined the conversation. 

Larson looked down at the young man watching her with half-closed eyes. "If left untreated, yes, it could be. I´d like to schedule you for surgery, to relieve the pressure and figure out where the blood is coming from. Also, to take a biopsy to determine if it *is* a tumor, and if it could be cancerous."

That woke Langly up the rest of the way. He sat upright, his eyes wide with sudden fear. "Cancer? Surgery?" his voice shook slightly. Byers reached up to rest a hand on his lover´s shoulder.

The doctor nodded. "It is a possibility. Luckily, it appears to be very small and likely that we´ve caught it in plently to time. Preferably soon. Would tomorrow evening be all right? The sooner, the better, but we need to make sure you don´t ingest anything within twenty-four hours of the procedure."

Langly hesitated, then nodded slowly. "Um, actually I haven´t eaten anything since dinner last night, but I´d still like to wait until tomorrow."

"That´s fine; I´ll try to put you in late morning, then, to get it over with. Are you okay with this? I know it´s very sudden."

He glanced at Byers, reading his own fear and apprehension mirrored on the other man´s face but he found himself nodding in agreement. "Yeah, I´m okay," he said, his voice only just above a whisper.

After the doctor had left, Langly drew a shaky breath and looked at Byers. "John, what about the...I mean..."

"Ree, you heard what she said. It´s most likely a tumor, and even though that scares the hell out of me, it´s early enough that you can get treatment. And then, only if it does turn out to be cancer. It´s not--you´re not, you know..." Byers rubbed the younger man´s shoulder, looking at Scully helplessly.

The agent understood his dilema. He wanted to be supportive of what Langly thought, but also didn´t want his lover to get upset about something that wasn´t possible. "Langly, you´re going to have to trust the doctors tomorrow. Whatever is causing this is doing damage to your body and needs to be taken care of. John is right; despite the strange hormones showing up in the tests, you can´t get pregnant." 

Feeling defeated two-against-one, Langly sighed quietly. "Yeah, I know." He coughed, changing his position to slide back into the bed properly. Byers stood and helped him wordlessly.

"Well, I don´t think there´s anything else I can do, so I´m gonna go," Scully told them, pausing at the door. "Call me tomorrow and let me know how it goes, okay?"

"Sure. Thanks for coming down here, Scully," Byers replied, giving her a weak smile.

Langly didn´t say anything, his mind obviously in other places as he stared at the wall.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

Later that evening, Byers sat quietly on the edge of the bed, his hand softly stroking Langly´s leg through the thin blanket. He watched his lover out of the corner of his eye, the younger man´s silence unnerving but he had no idea how to break it.

Fortunately, he didn´t have to. 

A soft knock on the door got both their attentions, and a familiar figure cautiously entered the room. "Hey, boys," Frohike grinned at them as he closed the door behind him.

"Hi, Mel," Langly greeted him. Byers almost jumped at the sudden sound from the man laying next to him. The younger man sat up a bit, wincing but quickly covering it up.

Frohike was faster, though, catching the painful expression. "How are you feeling, Ringo?" he asked in a rare, gentle voice. He glanced briefly at Byers. "I got your message from earlier; what´s this about surgery?"

"Tomorrow morning," Langly sighed warily. He lowered his head, distractedly scratching behind an ear. "Something about too much blood building up in my lower back, maybe a tumor."

"That sounds serious," Frohike said evenly as he took the empty seat next to the bed. "That what made you sick?"

Langly shrugged. "I don´t know...they still haven´t explained the hormone imbalance, and I would guess that´s what made me sick. I don´t even think *they* know if the two are related."

"I´m sure they are," Byers argued. "We´ll just have to wait and see what they find out in the morning."

"Yeah," the youngest man breathed. He shifted uncomfortably again, grimacing. He hissed a barely discernible "shit..." as he settled back.

"Ree? What´s wrong?" Byers turned to face him on the bed, frowning with concern.

Langly waved him off with a hand. "Nothing..." he tried to assure him, but the sharp gasp following the word ruined the effect.

"This isn´t nothing, dude," Frohike cut in, leaning closer. "You want me to get a nurse?"

"No, don´t," the younger man protested firmly, his eyes pleading. "Really, I´m okay; it´s just my back, it´s the same pain I´ve been having all day."

"You´re sure?" Byers didn´t bother to hide his disbelieving tone.

Langly nodded, closing his eyes and taking slow, deep breaths. "Yes, I´m sure. I think I just need to get some sleep," his voice had dropped to a low mumble in a few short minutes, his energy obviously spent.

"Yeah, good idea," Frohike said softly, standing to pat the younger man´s shoulder. "You hang in there, okay? Get some rest, and after they fix you up in the morning you´ll be fine, all right?"

"Right," Langly managed a weak smile.

Frohike started for the door, and Byers stood to make his own exit. Before he had even regained his balance on his feet, Langly reached down and grabbed his wrist, his fingers gripping tightly. "John?" he whispered, fear and pleading twisting his features and stopping both men in their tracks.

Byers placed a hand carefully on Langly´s chest, the strength and warmth a calming reassurance. The grip on his other wrist loosened and then was gone. "I´ll be right back, okay? I´m just going to talk to Mel right outside, then I´ll come back."

The younger man hesitated for a moment, then nodded fractionally against the pillow. "´kay," he mouthed, no sound behind the word but Byers heard it just the same. The older man gently removed Langly´s glasses and set them on the bedside table.

Following the other man out, Byers shut the door behind him softly. 

"How´s he really doing, John?" Frohike asked him quietly, nodding toward the door.

Byers took a few steps down the hall, raking his hands through his short hair. "I think..." he started, then shook his head. "He´s scared, Mel. Whatever this is, it´s scaring the shit out of both of us."

"I can see that," the older man informed him. "But the truth of it is, we can´t do anything about it, not until the surgery. Maybe not even then; they didn´t say it directly, but we all know it´s nothing more than exploratory, right? Hell, they don´t have a clue what to look for at this point, except that he´s bleeding internally and no one seems to know why."

The other man turned back, his head jerking up and he stared at his friend, stunned realization sweeping across his face. "That pretty much sums it up, yes," he spat harshly.

After a pause, Frohike spoke again. "So...we wait until morning."

"Nothing else we can do." Byers walked back to the door, his hand rubbing at the back of his neck. He turned back to face the other man. "I´m going to stay with him tonight. I...I just don´t want to leave him alone, you know?" he said quietly, his voice breaking just slightly over the last few words.

"I´m sure he´ll appreciate it. Looks to me like you need him as much as he needs you right now," Frohike squeezed his shoulder knowingly. 

Byers just nodded, not finding any words but knowing that his friend understood. 

Back in the room, Byers paused near the door to switch off the bright overhead light, leaving the room only dimly lit by the lamp over the bed. 

Hearing nothing from the room´s occupant, he realized Langly must have fallen asleep and made for the chair to settle in for a long night.

Before he could sit, he heard a soft "thanks..."

"You still awake?" Byers asked his lover softly, standing over the bed. He could see Langly was indeed awake, more alert than he had been a few minutes earlier.

"Yeah..." Langly replied, scooting his body up into a sitting position with only a slight wince.

"Hey, careful," Byers reached to help him. He sat on the bed next to Langly´s hip, his hand moving up to stroke the wayward strands of hair falling across slumped shoulders. "Your back still bothering you?"

"A little," the other man mumbled and gave him a little smile. "It´s better, though."

Byers didn´t respond, instead simply continuing to lace his fingers through the soft mane.

"John, about earlier..." Langly said suddenly, looking up to meet his lover´s eye. "I´m sorry, I should have listened."

"What do you mean?" Byers cocked his head curiously.

The younger man sighed, his fingers restlessly fidgeting in his lap, twisting the ring on his finger as he looked down. "You were right, I was wrong. I--I just jumped to the conclusion that I wanted to be true and now..." he drew a shaky breath, turning his head away. "John, I´m scared..." he rasped, his mouth dry in an effort to control his emotions. "I don´t know what´s wrong with me and I´m scared," he choked back a sob.

Byers pulled him into a tight embrace, a strong hand cupping the back of Langly´s head as the younger man clung to him desperately, crying into Byers´ shoulder. The older man held him as tight as he dared, rubbing his lover´s upper back gently, murmuring into his ear with constant, meaningless nonsense and rocking him rhythmically.

Sometime later, Byers noticed that Langly had stopped trembling, his sobs quieted to an occasional sniffle. He still held him, until the younger man finally raised his head and met the compassionate gaze with his own red-rimmed blue eyes. He coughed quietly, then pressed his lips against Byers´ cheek. "Love you," he mumbled into the fabric of the shirt.

"Love you too," Byers replied instantly.

Langly slumped against him again, a shuddering sigh rattling through his body. "I´m so tired."

"I know, love."

"You staying?"

"I´m not going anywhere, not until I know you´re okay," Byers told him firmly. He gently laid Langly back down, reluctant to release him but feeling the exhausted weakness in the other man. Stroking the back of his hand down his lover´s cheek, he bent down and pressed a kiss onto his forehead. "I promise."

..oOOo..

7:43 am Thursday

Byers woke abruptly the next morning, a sharp groan shaking him out of sleep. As he opened his eyes and sat up, he found that a blanket had been draped over him sometime during the night by a nurse. 

Dropping it aside, he stood and leaned over the unconscious man in the bed, thrashing and mumbling incoherently in his sleep. Byers reached down to shake his shoulder. "Ree, wake up," he tried to say forcefully, but found his voice hoarse with sleep. Clearing his throat, he tried again.

Langly gradually came awake, blinking up at his lover and catching his breath. "John--?" he squinted, half-yawning. "God..."

"Yeah, I´m here. You okay? You look like hell..." Byers pointed out helpfully.

Langly grimaced at his lack of tact. "Gee, I love you too," he forced a sneering smile. He closed his eyes again, a sharp gasp escaping parted lips. "Jesus..." he swallowed hard, starting to roll onto his side in an attempt to sit up.

Byers quickly went around to the other side of the bed, helping him up. "Should I get the nurse?"

"No. Just...feel sick..." 

"Can you make it to the bathroom?" Byers put his arm around the tense back as Langly swung his legs over the edge of the bed. 

"Yeah...help me," the younger man replied weakly, slipping off the bed to stand. He swayed but Byers held him on his feet. "Shit..."

"Sure you can do this? I think I should get help," Byers tightened his grip as Langly attempted a shaky step.

"Ye--oh, GOD," Langly swore sharply, his free arm wrapping around his middle as he doubled over, the sudden intensity of the pain unbearable.

"Damn it," Byers hissed, having no choice but to lower Langly to the floor as the younger man curled up in agony. Sharp cries erupted from him as he fell onto his side, his legs tucked up under him and arms wrapped around his abdomen tightly.

"John...John, please...it hurts..." Langly hissed through painfully clenched teeth. "Make it stop...please..."

"Hang on, just lay still, I´ll get help," Byers jumped to his feet and ran for the door, yelling down the hall to the nurses´ station for help. He waited only long enough to see a few heads turn before racing back to where Langly lay on the floor next to the bed. "They´re coming...help´s coming..." he assured his lover, stroking his arm and head, not knowing what else to do. He felt so helpless, his own stomach too tight as he watched the younger man writhe in pain.

Byers glanced down, as if trying to locate the source of the pain, as if he could do anything to stop it. He winced as Langly´s legs thrashed out, and felt his heart stop at what he saw.

Wet, red streaks where Langly´s leg had kicked out, a trail of liquid leading back to the growing amount of blood soaking the thin hospital gown and pooling beneath him.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

His vision dimming with shock, Byers only vaguely felt the strong arms of an orderly pull him away from the crumpled body. He watched silently, dull voices shouting around him. "Get a gurney in here," "Page Dr. Larson, NOW," "Call the O.R., tell them we´re bringing Mr. Langly up immediately."

The trembling man saw them slowly, carefully lift the now-still figure from the floor, the amount of blood lost even more apparent now as Langly was placed onto the gurney and taken from the room. The sheet the nurses draped over him was already stained with red blotches.

Byers had no idea how much time had passed, but he soon felt a hand shake his shoulder, trying to pull him from his distant place. He blinked rapidly, saw that he was still seated on the cold tile floor. He looked up into a pair of warm, concerned eyes. 

"Mr. Byers? Can you hear me?" the soft feminine voice came into focus. He recognized her, a nurse who had been looking after them most of the time. Cassie, he remembered.

His throat still too tight, mouth too dry to form words, Byers simply nodded.

"Mr. Byers...John, listen carefully. They´ve taken Ringo up to surgery, and Dr. Larson has been paged. We´ll keep you informed as to the situation, but for right now it would be best if you stayed here. Come on," she gently took his arm.

Following her lead, he let her pull him to his feet. He couldn´t feel his legs moving, his mind numbed beyond physical comprehension. Dimly aware, he noted that he had been seated on the edge of the bed, on the opposite side of the place where Langly had fallen. 

He sat quietly for a long time, not noticing an orderly coming in to clean up the blood on the floor. He never heard the concerned inquiries about his health.

Once he had gotten his body to stop shaking so violently, and found his senses returning to normal function, only then did he reach for the phone.

The second ring was cut short by the answer from the other end of the line. "Lone Gunmen."

"Mel?" Byers couldn´t even recognize his own voice, the tight, pained tone not resembling the soft, gentle one he had grown accustomed to.

"Yeah...John? That you? Hey, you okay, buddy?" Frohike hurriedly switched off the recorder. 

"No...I--" Byers choked, swallowing hard. He rubbed a shaky palm against his eye, trying to stop the stinging.

"John, what happened?" Frohike asked calmly, his own pulse pounding in his ears at the helpless silence from the other end. "Did something happen to Ringo?"

Byers released a harsh, breathy sob and nodded, forgetting for a moment that he was on the phone. "Yeah...he...God, I don´t know..."

"I´ll be right there, okay, John? I´ll call Scully and we´ll both be there in a few minutes. Are you still in the same room?"

"Um...yeah, I am..." Byers glanced around, as if to confirm it for himself.

"All right, just hang tight there. We´re on our way."

Unable to form a response, Byers listened as the phone clicked, Frohike hanging up. He took a moment, and dropped the phone back in its place on the bedside table. 

Pulling his legs up to his chest, he wrapped his arms around them and dropped his head onto his knees, and waited.

..oOOo..

Byers looked up, pushing aside the fog in his mind, when the door opened and his two friends entered the room.

"John," Frohike went to him quickly, Scully close behind.

The younger man opened his mouth to reply, but no sound came out. He felt the tears spilling down his cheek before he could register their presence and he shook his head in disbelief.

"Oh, god, John," Frohike whispered, moving closer to gather the shivering man into his arms. He held his friend tightly, rocking him as he waited for Byers to come back to him.

When Byers finally moved, indicating that he had composed himself, Frohike released him but kept his hands on the other man´s shoulders. "Can you tell me what´s going on now?" he asked gently.

Byers gave a shaky sigh, glancing at Scully with an embarrassed smile. "Um...when Ree woke up, he felt sick again. I wanted to get a nurse, but he wouldn´t let me. He...I tried to help him but...he--he was in so much pain, it happened so fast and he kept screaming," Byers´ words came in a frantic rush, his eyes focusing on nothing, just staring right through the other man. "The nurses came and they took him...there was so much blood..." he broke off with a choked sob.

The older man squeezed his shoulder, his other hand moving up to stroke Byers´ hair slowly. "They took him? Where?"

"Surgery...they said they paged Dr. Larson and they´d let me know what was happening. I´ve been here since they left... I don´t know how long it´s been." Byers sniffed quietly and rubbed his hands over his flushed face, clearing his vision.

Frohike sat on the bed next to him, keeping his hand on the younger man´s shoulder as he glanced at the still-silent agent.

"We´ll wait with you," Scully told him.

..oOOo..

12:03 pm

The trio remained in uneasy silence for several hours, their attempts to get any word on Langly met with apologetic shrugs and promises that they would be told when any news came.

Byers remained seated on the bed, eventually turning to lean against the headboard as time went by too slowly. Scully mostly sat in the chair, while Frohike alternated between restless pacing, hounding the nurses for information, and staring sightlessly out the window.

It was early afternoon when someone came to the room, her weary appearance a testament to her relentless dedication. She gave them a brief, tight smile as she closed the door behind her.

"Dr. Larson?" Byers inquired from where he sat slouched on the bed. The simple question held all the desperate need for his lover´s safety in only the shaky tone.

"First of all, Ringo is stable," she assured him, and saw that her assumption was correct when Byers released his held breath. She went on. "His condition is still critical, however. He had a great deal of blood loss and it took us a long time to figure out why. He´s been moved to intensive care, and is still unconscious."

Before Byers could ask, she held her hand up to stop him. "You can see him soon, but I need to tell you what we found." She glanced at the room´s other occupants curiously.

"We should hear this too," Scully read her mind. "We´re his friends."

With a curt nod, the doctor continued. "As far as we can tell, it looks like the pressure from the blood building up in his lower back became more than his body could handle. Apparently, by this morning it just...gave in," she shook her head uncertainly. "He nearly bled to death. It wasn´t until we were able to control the bleeding and perform surgery that we discovered the cause.

"What at first appeared to be a blood clot was removed from near his prostate, between his lower abdominal organs and spine. We assumed that the blood had been caught there by the mass and causing the build up. We repaired the damage and are monitoring his organ functions as a precaution. While we were finishing up, I took a closer look at the mass we removed."

She stopped, glancing around to make sure the others were still with her. Finally, she looked away for a moment to gather her strength to continue. "I confirmed my suspicions with another doctor. It´s... it *was*, the early development of a fetus. Ringo was right...he *was* pregnant."

Frohike and Scully stared at her for a moment, too stunned to move. They both looked to Byers, however, not knowing what his reaction could possibly be.

To their surprise, he simply nodded. He shifted, moving off the bed to stand and walked up to Larson. His voice almost too low to hear, he avoided looking at her. "Can I go be with him?"

"Of course," she replied, taking his arm and leading him out the door.

The two others remained behind, staring at each other in disbelief. Unconsciously, Scully rested a hand on her stomach, the precious life under the surface all the more apparent as she realized how quickly it could be lost.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

Dr. Larson returned alone a while later. She gave them a look of mixed emotions, from sympathy to confusion. "I´m not sure how John´s handling this, honestly. He didn´t say anything, even after he saw Ringo." She slumped against the wall, letting her professional guard down and knowing they would understand.

Scully leaned forward in her chair, clearing her throat quietly. "Do you have any idea how this could have happened? How can he have been carrying a child?"

"I honestly have no idea. This has never been seen before, as far as I know," she answered earnestly. "I think what happened this morning just proves that it should never have happened. His body isn´t equipped to handle that kind of strain, and it led to a spontaneous abortion."

"That´s why he lost so much blood," Scully reasoned quietly. 

"Yes," Larson confirmed. "And now...all we can do is wait. As I told John, Ringo is in deep shock, and may not regain consciousness for a while, possibly several days. Until then he is being monitored closely."

The other two nodded, understanding. Scully took a deep breath, looking up at the other woman. "As far as his medical records with regards to these...unusual circumstances..." she hinted cautiously, hoping the doctor would know what she was implying.

"Because we have no way of determining the cause of the...illness, I don´t see that it would be prudent to continue further exploration. I´ll take care in writing my report, and make sure the files are sealed." She paused, her look telling them that she understood. "The last thing those two need is their intimate life dissected by the medical community."

"Thank you, we all appreciate everything you´ve done," Frohike told her honestly. "Would it be all right if we went to see him, after a while?"

"Yes, of course. Having his friends there may help him to come around sooner." She raised her hand, waving to indicate the room. "I don´t know how long he´ll be in the ICU. Could you gather his personal items and bring them to his new room?"

"Sure," Frohike nodded. "We´ll take care of it."

..oOOo..

Byers heard nothing after his first look at his lover. His heart pounding, the blood rushing in his head, into his ears and he never heard the doctor´s words or her quiet exit, closing the door behind her.

He took a few unsteady steps toward the prone form laying amidst the medical tubing and crumpled blanket. The IV line taped to the back of Langly´s right hand led to several bags of clear fluid, the heart monitor wires snaking out from under his gown. 

It was all Byers could do to force himself to breath. A tiny whisper escaped his trembling lips before he realized it. "Oh, god, Ree..."

He made himself take the last few steps, until he was standing next to the bed looking down at the Langly. The younger man´s face was as white as the pillow under his head, even his hair dulled a pale gold. Byers could barely see the shallow rise and fall of his chest, but noted with some relief that the breathing was unassisted. It was the only outward sign that he was still alive.

"Hey, baby," he said quietly, regaining his voice as he pushed past his distress. He laid his palm against Langly´s forehead, feeling the cold skin for the first time. "God, you´re freezing," he stated out loud. He glanced at a monitor and saw that the man´s temperature was ninety-six degrees. 

With a resigned sigh, he pulled the nearby chair up close to the bed and took his place at his lover´s side.

"So," he said, his hand automatically moving down to take Langly´s left one, the younger man´s cold fingers tucking into his hand and resting on the blanket. "I think...Kerry said something about you not waking up for a while."

He paused, as if expecting a response. "That´s okay," he went on, not caring that he was in fact talking to himself. "You never get enough sleep at home anyway. Might as well catch up here, huh?"

Leaning in closer, he rested his chin carefully on Langly´s upper arm, his eyes never leaving the younger man´s face. "Don´t you dare even think about leaving me," he heard himself whisper. "It took too long for us to get this far and I´m not going to let you end it like this."

He turned his head, his cheek resting on the arm. "I need you too much," he finally said, only loud enough for his lover to hear, if he was listening. 

..oOOo..

2:15 pm

When Frohike didn´t receive an answer to his light knock on the door to Langly´s room in the ICU, he glanced at Scully then opened the door a crack. 

He didn´t go in, his throat suddenly tight at seeing his roommates in such distress, both physical and mental. He saw the normally lively, energetic and occasionally annoying younger man laying so still, only his shallow breathing giving away that he was alive.

He saw Byers, his head resting on Langly´s arm with their left hands entwined intimately, even in sleep.

"John?" Frohike inquired softly, not wanting to disturb the fragile scene but knowing he was also responsible to the two men. 

Byers´ stirred, lifting his head with a deep sigh. "Hmm? Oh, Mel," he caught sight of others at the door. "Scully."

"Hi," Scully smiled at him. "Can we--?"

"Oh, of course," Byers shook off the last remnants of his exhausted sleep and waved them in. "I was just..." he shrugged.

"Yeah, we know," Frohike assured him. "How is he?"

Byers looked back down at Langly´s pale face and swallowed hard. "He´s alive," he answered honestly. With his right hand he reached up to touch the younger man´s forehead with his fingers. "And cold," he added with a sigh. "His temp´s still barely over ninety-six."

Scully took the few steps to close the gap between her and Byers, placing her hand on his shoulder. "John, he´ll be all right. He just needs some time."

Leaning back in his chair but not breaking his hand´s contact from his lover, Byers nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, I know."

Frohike could feel the tense, unspoken vibe from his roommate and knew they should leave the lovers alone, at least for a while. Clearing his throat, he spoke up. "Listen, I´m gonna go back to HQ and take care of some stuff. You need anything from home?"

Without thinking, Byers simply shook his head.

Knowing he needed to look out for Byers for as long as Langly was like this, Frohike just sighed. He made a mental note to gather some of Byers´ personal things that he would need for what may be a few days and stepped toward the door, giving Scully a look that told her that it was time to leave. "Okay, I´ll come back later tonight to check on you guys. Call if you think of something you need."

"Sure, thanks," Byers responded absently.

..oOOo..

Byers watched as the nurses came and went, checking on the unconscious man and giving him encouraging smiles. He tried to smile back but he knew it didn´t fool anyone. He felt so tired, so useless just sitting there and not being able to do anything.

He heard Frohike come back later that night, and he gave his unwavering friend a genuine smile when their eyes met. "Hey," he greeted the older man. 

"Hi, John. How´s everything going here?" Frohike replied, glad to see Byers looking and sounding better than he had earlier that day.

"Okay. He´s doing better, his temp´s up a bit. Still unresponsive, though."

"That´s good to hear," he replied. Stepping closer, the older man slipped the strap of the backpack from his shoulder and set it on the floor. He bent down to open the pack, glancing up at Byers with a knowing smile. "I brought a few things for you guys," he explained. 

"Mel, you didn´t have to--"

"Yes, I did," Frohike cut him off. "I know you, John. As long as you´re watching out for Ringo, it´s my job to watch out for you. It´s just a change of clothes and some bathroom stuff of yours."

Byers stared at him for another moment in wonder. He´d almost let himself forget what a good friend the other man was. "Thanks, Mel. I really appreciate that."

"Hey, no problem," the older man assured him. He turned back to the bag at his feet, and pulled out another familiar item, carefully folded.

"Is that--?" Byers looked at him curiously as Frohike stood and shook out the bundle of cloth.

"Langly´s blanket? The one he drags around the place when he´s pulling all-niters and falls asleep with it on the floor? That´s the one," Frohike grinned at him. He waved his empty hand toward the quiet figure on the bed. "Is it all right if I...? I thought it might make him feel better, you know, something familiar, comfortable."

Byers gaped at his friend, his jaw dropped open as he realized what the other man was asking. "God, Mel, that´s..." he stammered, honestly at a loss for words. "Of course," he finally consented, his eyes stinging with tears.

Frohike nodded understanding as he carefully draped the soft blanket over the hospital bedclothes, covering his young friend with a silent plea for healing. He tucked the cloth under Langly´s arms to keep his hands free. Reluctant to step away, he lingered a few moments, holding the limp left hand in his own and giving it a gentle squeeze. "Hope this helps, buddy," he told the sleeping figure softly.

He stepped back finally, looking back to Byers. The seated man gave him a shaky, heartfelt smile. "Thank you, Mel. This is so..." Byers hastily wiped the escaped tear from his cheek. "I´m sure it makes him feel better, I really am."

"I think so too," the older man reached up and rested his hand on the back of Byers´ head, gently stroking his hair. 

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

10:22 am Friday

Byers drifted in and out of restless sleep throughout the night, at one point waking to once again find himself covered with a blanket by a caring nurse. He smiled at that, realizing the staff was treating him as a patient almost as much as they were treating Langly.

Glancing up from the book Frohike had brought for him to distract himself, Byers smiled as Scully entered the room with a polite, questioning look. "Good morning, Scully," he greeted her pleasantly. "Come on in."

Handing him one of the cups of coffee she brought in with her, she returned his smile along with a surprised raise of her eyebrows. "Hello, John. You´re certainly in a good mood; is there any change?" she moved to stand near Langly, absently stroking his arm in an unconscious soothing action.

"Not really, but he´s definitely improving. His temperature´s up to normal and everything else looks very good. Hasn´t woken up yet, though," he said with a hint of concern. "Oh, and thanks," he added, sipping his coffee, then setting it on the table.

"You´re welcome. Don´t worry too much, John. With the shock his system took, it´s not unusual for it to take a while for him to come out of it. Just need to give him time," she assured him with a gentle pat on the shoulder. She moved the second chair from its place next to the wall to set it next to Byers, then sat with him.

She caught a small movement out of the corner of her eye, and glanced down to where Byers was fidgeting absentmindedly with his hands in his lap, staring into space. She noticed something catch the light, and for the first time saw the silver wedding band on his finger as he twirled it around. 

�Wedding ring?´ she thought to herself, her curiosity winning her over. "John?" 

"Hmm?" he glanced at her, as if coming out of a daydream. 

Scully reached down to take his left hand gently, pointing out the ring. "I never noticed you wore a wedding ring before..." she stated, hoping he would follow her unspoken question.

He looked at the ring and a fond smile curved his lips. "Oh... yeah," he said quietly. "Little over a year ago I asked Ringo to marry me..."

"Married?" she couldn´t hide her astonishment.

Byers blushed, and nodded. "It´s not a legal marriage; just something for the two of us." He reached over to take Langly´s left hand, turning it over for Scully to see the ring´s companion.

"John, I had no idea...that´s really special," she said, sounding like she was on the verge of tears. "What...I mean, if you don´t mind me asking...what happened?"

He grinned, and leaned forward to take Langly´s hand in both of his. He looked at their hands, lost in the memory. "I took him to this cabin we´d rented, and asked him if he would be my husband." He gave a little breathy laugh and shook his head. "The look on his face...I´ve never seen him so happy, or so surprised. He couldn´t even say anything for a minute, then finally blurted out, �Of course!´, like it was the dumbest question ever. Like he had absolutely no doubt in his mind that he would be spending the rest of his life with me."

Scully thought about this, wondering if this was her place and deciding that as their friend, it was. "Because he *has* no doubt, John," she stated softly. "He loves you very much and you´re both very lucky to have such a strong foundation."

Byers looked at her in wonder. Sitting back, he swallowed hard and crossed his arms over his chest. Slowly, he nodded. "Yeah, I know. I just..." he waved a hand toward the other man. "With this happening, and everything..."

"What happened to Ringo shouldn´t have, and you can´t let it come between you."

He shook his head sharply. "No, it´s not that. I mean...it is, but... it´s more complicated." He took a deep breath, his lips tightening in contemplation. "Since I´ve been with him, I´ve made a lot of personal decisions, ones we never talked about. Like, the fact that we would never be fathers, either of us. I already knew that was something I had to deal with, but it´s my choice. I want to be with *him*, and not have to think about what that means we have to give up. Until this, it´s never been an issue."

He paused, his eyes fixed on his lover´s tranquil face. "He told me the day before he...collapsed, that he wanted to do this. He wanted this pregnancy to be real, and to have a child with me. He wanted to do it for *me*, not just us. He thought I wanted to be a father, and in some ways, yeah, I guess I wanted that too. But I told him it wasn´t worth risking his health to do this; even before we found out he was right about the baby. I just don´t know what to do now, Scully. I don´t know what to say to him after all this." He finally looked at her again, his expression so lost.

"I don´t know either, John. This is something the two of you need to talk about, and you may never come to a complete understanding. But I know that you two are as close as any couple can be, and if anyone can work this out, it´s you." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze, a silent reminder that she truly did believe her own words.

He held her gaze, finally breaking a small smile. "Thank you, that really means a lot," he told her very quietly.

The agent opened her mouth to respond, but a soft, unexpected whimpering sound stopped her short. Both her and Byers´ heads snapped back to look at Langly, the source of the sound.

Byers´ gasped audibly when he saw Langly´s fingers twitch, curling just a little and seeming to be searching for something to grasp and ending up with a fistful of his own blanket. The older man automatically took that hand in his own and held it tight, anchoring his lover in the outside world. 

The sudden, wonderfully familiar touch seemed to be exactly what the younger man was looking for, the slight, confused crinkle in his face smoothing again as he gave the hand a weakened squeeze in his sleep. 

The older man felt it and a brilliant smile lit his face as he glanced at Scully. "He knows it´s me; he can feel my hand," he exclaimed excitedly. He turned back to give Langly his full attention again, reaching his right hand up to gently run the backs of his fingers down the younger man´s cheek. 

Langly gave a soft, sleepy sigh and leaned into the caring touch. Byers leaned in close to press a gentle kiss on his forehead. "Shhh, it´s okay...sleep; I´m not going anywhere." The familiarity of the soothing voice comforted him and he settled back into peaceful sleep.

Byers let his hand rest on his lover´s cheek for another moment before drawing back from the once-again sleeping figure, but not letting go of his hand for anything. He turned again to see Scully smiling at him. He realized he still couldn´t get rid of his own excited grin. "This is a good thing, right?"

She laughed lightly and nodded. "Yeah, John. It´s a really good thing."

..oOOo..

Scully decided to stay with the men the rest of the day, calling AD Skinner to tell him she was seeing to a personal matter. Her boss´s almost pleased tone made her smile; she knew he liked seeing her taking time away from the bureau when she could, not putting herself or her child in danger any more than necessary.

She left briefly to get them lunch around mid-afternoon, and when she returned found Byers smiling excitedly again. 

Handing him his food, she asked, "Did I miss something?"

Thanking her, he nodded a little. "He started looking for my hand again a while ago, and was mumbling a little. I think he´s starting to come back."

"Sounds like it," she agreed. They ate together, and Scully asked more about their relationship. She couldn´t help but smile at the sincerity and obvious passion with which he spoke of their bond; she had never heard him speak so openly before about anything not related to computers or conspiracies. 

It was a little after four in the afternoon when Langly started getting restless again, and Byers instantly took his questing hand. "Ree? You gonna wake up this time? Come on, give me a sign here." He brushed lightly at the silky strands of hair that fell along the younger man´s temple, urging him to come around.

Langly mumbled under his breath, turning his head into the touch.

"Come on, love. Open your eyes. Look at me, please," Byers continued to gently prod him. 

Apparently hearing him, Langly´s eyes slitted open just a little, a hint of light blue shining through his long lashes. He closed his eyes again quickly, the brightness of the light unbearable after so long in the darkness. 

"That´s it, baby," Byers squeezed his hand enthusiastically. "Can you talk? Say something, let me know you´re really with me."

Langly swallowed hard, grimacing against an obviously dry throat. He opened his eyes again, blinking rapidly to try and focus on his lover. "...hi...J´on," he whispered haltingly, attempting a weak smile.

Byers released his breath with an overjoyed laugh, his eyes bright with tears at finally hearing Langly talk to him again. "Hey, love," he said softly, his fingers still running lightly down the younger man´s cheek. He glanced back when he remembered Scully was still there, the agent watching them anxiously. 

Turning back to Langly, he met the half-closed, drug-dulled blue eyes steadily. "You think you can stay with us for a little while? We need to tell Dr. Larson you´re awake, so she can check you out, okay?"

Langly blinked, his tongue darting out to wet his dry lips. After a moment of considering this, he nodded slowly. "...think so..." he said hoarsely, glancing down at Scully.

The agent nodded, standing quickly to go find the doctor.

Byers watched as Langly looked around slowly, taking in his surroundings. After a moment he looked back at the older man questioningly. 

"Um, you´re in the ICU," he answered the unspoken request, realizing that he would have to tell Langly about the baby soon. He just didn´t know how yet. It was still hard for him to deal with alone; he had no idea how his lover would take it.

The younger man nodded once, and swallowed again. "...how...long?" he asked weakly, visibly struggling to follow along.

"You´ve been unconscious for about thirty-two hours," Byers explained gently.

"...damn..." Langly hissed, very little sound behind his word. 

Before he could ask anything else, Scully returned then with Dr. Larson on her heels. The doctor immediately went to Langly´s other side and checked the monitors quickly. She looked down at Langly with a relieved smile. "Welcome back, Ringo," she said, her hands moving to check him over, touching his throat and confirming the soreness. 

Scully handed Byers a cup of chipped ice, seeing Langly´s discomfort at the doctor´s inspection. Byers took a piece from the cup and held it near the younger man´s mouth. "Here, this will help," he said, and Langly obediently took the ice into his mouth, letting it melt and soothe his throat. 

"Thanks," he smiled shakily before looking back to the doctor.

"How do you feel? Any pain, dizziness, nausea?"

"All of the above," he answered honestly. "...hurts."

"What hurts? Your back, stomach?" she reached to gently probe his still sore abdomen, causing him to wince painfully.

"Yeah," he grunted through clenched teeth. 

She reached for the pump on his IV and placed it in his hand. "We´ve got you on Demerol, and you can hit this whenever you need to," she explained. "I know you are uncomfortable right now, but the catheter needs to stay for at least another day to monitor your kidney and bladder function.

"Try not to move around to much yet," she cautioned him. "When the surgery turned into damage control, we had to put in quite a few stitches, inside and outside. There´s an incision in your lower back next to your spine that is probably what´s hurting you most right now. It´ll improve as you heal, but for at least the next few days you need to avoid too much movement."

He nodded vaguely, his eyes clouding with confusion. "...surgery?" he repeated, as if unsure he had heard right.

Larson exchanged a glance with Byers, who frowned. "You remember what happened yesterday, Ree? When you got sick?"

Langly thought for a moment, then shook his head vaguely. "Not much," he replied. "...remember...pain..."

Byers drew a sharp breath, and looked across to Larson. "Um, can you give us a few minutes?" he asked in a strained voice.

"Of course," she said, understanding what he needed. Time to talk to his lover alone. "I´ll be around if you need anything."

Both women left and Byers suddenly found himself alone with Langly, the younger man watching him curiously. He felt his stomach start to swirl dangerously as he contemplated his next words. "Ree, you collapsed yesterday morning, and you started bleeding. A lot. They took you to surgery and had to figure out what happened. Larson said you lost a lot of blood and went into shock." 

He paused, knowing it was time for him to say the rest. "She also said she figured out why this happened to you." He tightened his grip on the other man´s hand, needing the support of the simple contact more than ever. "They found the start of a fetus when they were fixing you up, near the prostate. She still has no idea how it happened, but you were right the whole time...you really were pregnant."

Langly gave a choked gasp and turned his face to the ceiling, closing his eyes tightly. "...god...John..." he whispered, a tear rolling down the side of his face and disappearing into his hair. 

Byers felt his own throat tighten considerably, reaching his other hand up to brush away the wet trail. "Shh...it´s okay, you´re okay now," he comforted him, but knew his words were meaningless as soon as he said them. 

The younger man shook his head as much as his weakened condition allowed, fighting the pull of the pain medication. "No... J´on...s-sorry," he struggled to hold onto consciousness.

"Sorry? Ree, what--?"

"J´on...´m so s-sorry..." his voice was barely audible and he was fading fast.

"For what, love? You didn´t do anything..." Byers stroked his cheek, feeling helplessly confused by Langly´s reaction.

Langly fought to open his eyes just enough to look at Byers again before he gave into the medication putting him to sleep. "´M...sorry...I lost it...lost our baby...." 

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

7:43 pm

Frohike caught a small movement and looked up from his reading to see Langly blinking sleepily, at that moment glancing in his direction. The older man leaned forward, his hand resting gently on his friend´s arm. "Hey, buddy," he smiled down at the younger man. 

"Mel?" Langly frowned at him, confusion clouding his features.

"Yeah, it´s me," Frohike assured him, stroking his arm carefully. "How´re you feeling?"

Langly looked away quickly, closing his eyes for a moment. He sighed softly, then glanced around again. He shifted slightly, wincing with a weak attempt to support himself with his elbows when he realized it hurt too much to use his abdominal muscles. "Help me - I need to sit up," he mumbled. He settled back against his pillow when Frohike had set the head of the bed at a comfortable angle. "Where´s John?" 

Frohike shifted uncomfortably, but held his gaze. "I took him home; he needed to get some sleep. He´s been here for a couple of days..." he answered, trailing off vaguely. "You´re avoiding my question. How do you feel?"

The younger man tried to glare defiantly at him, but realized his friend knew him too well for him to lie. He swallowed hard to dispel the lump developing in his throat as the memories of the last time he´d woken up threatened to overwhelm his emotions. He remembered the look of despair on John´s face as he´d told him about the baby. "I feel..." he started shakily, then shook his head as his vision blurred with tears. "I feel like shit, Mel. God...John must hate me..." he choked on a sob he couldn´t hold back, turning away in embarrassment.

"What?! Ringo, why--?" Frohike stared at him in shock. This was the last thing he´d expected to hear from his young friend. He had prepared himself for Langly to be upset about the loss, to be angry at the doctors or even at Byers for not believing him. Nowhere in his mind had he even considered that Langly would feel *guilty* about this.

"Hey, take it easy," the older man soothed him, reaching up to place his hand on Langly´s forehead. "Come on, look at me." He waited for the younger man to come back to him.

Langly sniffed and raised a hand to wipe the moisture from his cheek, then finally met his friend´s worried eye. "´M sorry," he muttered. "I just..."

"I know, it´s okay," Frohike forced a smile that he didn´t really feel. "Now, you wanna explain to me how you even begin to *think* any of this requires you to apologize?"

The younger man frowned at him questioningly.

Frohike sighed. "John told me what happened earlier, what you said. That´s when he called me. He...he was really upset. I don´t blame him. How can you possibly think this is your fault?"

Langly shook his head, confused. "Because...Mel, don´t you see? I had it; I could have given us a child and I lost it. I *lost* it." he growled through clenched teeth, his hand fisting a section of his blanket. 

The older man leaned back with a weary sigh, rubbing a hand over his face. After a moment, he cleared his throat. "Ringo, there´s someone you need to talk to; he´s a doctor, and--"

"I don´t *need* any more doctors," Langly cut him off angrily. "They wouldn´t listen before, and look what happened. Why should I have to talk to one now? What good will it do *now*?"

Forming his words carefully, Frohike knew he had to try and get through to his friend. "He´s not that kind of doctor. His name is Gary Evans, and he´s from the family planning department. He´s a counselor and you need to talk to him."

Langly snorted and refused to look at him. "Family planning..." he muttered derisively, shaking his head as he crossed his arms across his chest. "Little late for that, isn´t it?"

"No, it isn´t," the older man told him calmly. "He deals with couples who have recently lost children, or have been through what you and John just have. John´s already talked with him a bit, before I took him home. He´s a good doctor, and we want him to talk to you."

"Yeah, well, I don´t want to talk to *him*."

"Ree, please don´t be like this," Frohike pleaded gently. He knew he had been put in a difficult position, the task of talking the young, distressed man into getting the help he so obviously needed but wanted no part of. Byers was handling this only marginally better, but was himself in no condition to negotiate with Langly.

Frohike looked over at his friend when he realized he had heard no further arguments and felt his heart wrench at the sight of such hopeless despair so plainly contorting the pale features of the younger man. "Ringo?" he questioned softly, the illogical fear that any spoken words louder than those might shatter his friend´s already fragile state seeming all the more rational.

"Just - just don´t, okay?" Langly implored him, his hand weakly waving off the concerned tone of the older man. "I - I just can´t do it...not yet - I can´t," he bit back a choked sob, turning his face away. Turning away from the offer of help.

Not willing to push him into further distress, Frohike stood and quietly left the room, seeking advice.

As he closed the door, he heaved a frustrated sigh and scrubbed his hands over his face. "I´m not so sure I can, either," he muttered softly, finally raising his eyes to meet those of the one who had been listening through the door.

"This is going to take time...a lot of time and more patience than I think any of you know," Scully told him gently, patting his arm with a reassuring hand. "I´ll talk to him, maybe I can get through."

"I hope so," he replied, giving her a small smile as she made her way past him and into the small room.

She saw Langly laying there, his eyes closed as he leaned back against the elevated bed. "Okay if I come in?" she asked, not sure if he was still awake. She knew, between the painkillers and his body´s own weakness as he recovered, he would be having trouble staying alert for the next several days.

Not bothering to open his eyes, he gave a slight nod, sniffing quietly as he hugged his arms around his chest tighter. 

She settled into the chair, her mind working hard to think of how to begin, where to start trying to repair the damage this ordeal had done to the young man, was still doing to him. She opened her mouth to speak, and was surprised when he beat her to it.

"I don´t know what I´m supposed to do, Scully," he whispered in a broken, hollow version of his own voice. "I don´t want -to talk about it, about how I *feel*, with some stranger..." 

"Can you talk to me?" she offered hopefully, putting a hand on his arm cautiously.

He turned his head to face her, his eyes bright with agony, just the faint flicker of need, the heart wrenching need to have someone understand, to take away this dark, empty feeling that had taken over his mind, his body. The void where that tiny stirring of unexpected life had been that was now gone, needing to be filled by those who cared about him. More than that, he needed, more than he could possibly say, to have John with him, to have his support and forgiveness for losing what they had created together.

"I hope so..." he sighed, attempting a tiny smile of thanks.

With a relieved sigh of her own, Scully absently stroked his arm. "This isn´t really my field, you know," she reminded him lightly. "And, I know you don´t want to, but you do need to speak with Dr. Evans, eventually. He´s going to be working with John, and it would be best if you both would meet with him, together."

"Yeah, I know," he breathed, swallowing hard as he fought to stay in control. "But...I just can´t - not yet. This is so hard...."

"I know it is, just take your time."

"I don´t even know what to say..." he admitted. 

"How about starting with the basics. How do you feel?" At his uncertain squint, she hurried to continue. "I mean, emotionally. What are you feeling, about this whole thing."

He considered this, staring at the opposite wall but not seeing. "I guess...sad, hurt - for having this incredible thing happen and then just...losing it. It happened so fast, didn´t even have time to think about it.

"Angry, guilty....I guess all the usual symptoms but all at once, you know?" 

"What are you angry about?"

She felt his arm tense, saw his hands clench into tight fists and she continued to stroke his arm, calming him with her presence. "The fact that no one, not the doctors, not you guys, not even John...none of you listened to me, and I was right. By then it was too late..."

"Ringo, you have to understand something. It wouldn´t have made a difference; if we listened or not, if they found out about it sooner. It wasn´t supposed to happen and it would have been lost anyway. Your body was not built to carry a child, and however this happened, you cannot blame yourself, or anyone else involved, for this loss. You should never have had to go through this, but you did and now we have to deal with it. All of us, not just you. Understand?"

Taking a moment to let her words sink in, he finally gave a small, reluctant nod. Now that he knew that at least one other person understood what he was dealing with, he found the courage to vocalize his deepest fear, the thing that he felt the worst about above anything else. "I - I wanted to do this...for him. For John," he said softly, unable to meet her eye. 

Finally getting to the heart of his pain, she found herself unable to find the words; nothing she could say would be what he needed, which was to hear this from Byers. "This is something that you need to talk to him about, something you need to deal with between the two of you."

With a frustrated grunt, he pulled back into himself again, his arms tightening once more. "I. Can´t," he stated simply. "I thought...you would understand. You know what it´s like, you more than anyone I can possibly think of. What it´s like to want to give a child to the person you love, but knowing that you can´t, that it´s physically impossible. Well, looks like we both defied those odds..." he gave a short, ironic laugh. "I wanted this so much, just to be able to share this with him, to be able to create *life* with the person I live for. And I *lost* it."

"*You* didn´t lose it, Ringo. It wasn´t up to you, it was an unavoidable consequence of this impossible conception. You can´t go on blaming yourself for something you had no control over! 

"More than that, John never expected you to give him a child. I talked with him, and he told me he talked it over with you. You, more than anyone, know how he feels about this. He just wants *you*, to be happy and healthy. This is what marriage is about. To share a life with someone else and make each other happy, to take care of each other."

He shot her a sharp, questioning look. "Marriage...?"

"Yes, marriage. John told me about it when I saw his ring."

"Oh," he mumbled. "I guess...you´re right, I need to talk to him. Just....not yet. I need some time to figure out what to say."

"That´s fine, no one´s expecting you to just bounce back from this. He´ll probably come back to see you tomorrow, and even if you can´t talk about it yet then, at least let him be here for you. He´s worried about you. He was pretty upset when he left," she hated telling him this, but knew it was necessary.

As she expected, he cringed at the knowledge that he had upset his lover. After a moment, he spoke cautiously. "Um... how - how is he? How is he doing?"

"Well, spending over two days in these chairs isn´t much fun," she smiled, trying to lighten his ever-spiraling mood. "He´s tired, scared...he misses you, to be honest. I think he just needs to spend some time with you, alone, just to assure himself that you are still here, and still needing him to be here for you."

"I miss him, too....this whole thing hasn´t exactly been a bonding experience. And I *do* need him..." he told her honestly. "If you call over there tonight, can you tell him I do want to see him, if he wants to come back tomorrow?"

"Of course," she gave him a warm smile, squeezing his arm.

"Thanks," he returned her smile. With a deep sigh, he rubbed a weary hand over his face. "God, I´m tired..." he yawned.

"I should think so," she replied as she stood. "You need to get some rest. You going to be okay by yourself tonight?"

He gave her a grateful smile as he pulled his blanket to his chest and settled back, as comfortable as he could make himself. He still winced at the pinch in his arm, the unpleasant tug at his groin from his movements. Ignoring the medical equipment, he remembered something. "Hey, Scully?"

"Yeah?"

He raised a handful of the well-worn blanket for her to see. "Is this, um, what I think it is?"

She gave him a knowing grin. "Sure is. Frohike brought it while you were out. He said he thought it would make you feel better."

Langly couldn´t help but smile fondly at this, hearing how much his friend cared for him, even when he wasn´t awake to acknowledge it. "Tell him - tell him it does."

"I will," she promised.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

9:07 am Saturday

Byers pushed the door open quietly, a small smile curving his lips as he took in the sight of his lover curled up on his side, his back to the door. 

As he walked around to the other side of the bed, his smile faded, replaced by a concerned frown. It stung to see how pale Langly´s face was against the white linen, the younger man´s expression tight with pain even in sleep. 

Setting the cups of tea he´d brought onto the tray hooked off to the side of the bed, he pulled the chair up close and settled in to watch his lover sleep. He studied the younger man, the familiar thin frame folded carefully, the long legs pulled up and tucked neatly next to his body. Laying on his right side, his left hand clutched his blanket close under his chin while his right arm lay limp on the bed next to him.

After a while Langly shifted, frowning slightly and mumbling under his breath. Instinctively, Byers reached up to calm him, smoothing back the errant strands of hair and settling him. "Shh..." he whispered softly, his fingers lingering at the soft skin of Langly´s temple, reluctant to break contact.

Langly leaned into the touch slightly. He sighed softly, blinking as he slowly woke and realized he was not alone. Squinting to focus better, he finally gave a little smile. "John," he sighed.

"Who else would it be?" Byers replied, amused.

The younger man chuckled, barely making a sound. "A few of the nurses think I´m cute..." he answered with a tiny shrug.

"Which ones? I´ll see about that..." Byers growled with mock jealousy. Leaning closer, he gently ran his fingers across Langly´s forehead. "You feel warm..."

Langly nodded. "Fever; nothing serious. Nurse said it´s normal after surgery."

"Yeah," the older man sighed. "Doesn´t mean I have to like it." He sat silently for a few minutes, enjoying the simple closeness of his lover without the frustrated tension between them like before.

"So...what´s the word on how much longer they´re keeping you here?" Byers finally asked, breaking the silence. He knew he was reducing them to small talk, but refused to push his lover into talking before either of them were ready.

The younger man sniffed quietly and looked up at him. "Um, the last nurse I talked to said I should be well enough to move back to a private room sometime tonight." He shifted uncomfortably. "All these tubes stuck in me are driving me crazy..." He didn´t have to tell the other man which tube he was referring to specifically.

Byers leaned forward again, leaning on an arm resting on the edge of the bed, his other hand moving up to absently stroke Langly´s hair. "I know, hon. Didn´t Kerry say they´d take out the catheter later today? As long as everything´s okay?"

"Yeah, but it´s still damn...uncomfortable," he replied, grimacing.

Dr. Larson chose that moment to enter the room, saving them from the burden of being unable to talk to each other. She was followed by a young nurse carrying a tray of painful-looking instruments. 

Langly cringed when he saw the near-frightened look on Byers´ face. "Hey, Doctor. I´m guessing I´m not going to enjoy this check-up, am I?"

She gave the older man a reassuring smile as she moved to stand next to the bed behind Langly. "I hope I can make this as pleasant as possible. I need to check the surgical site, just like last night. I´m hoping the swelling has gone down. Are you still experiencing numbness in your legs?" she asked as she leaned down, pushing the gown aside to start working.

"No, it´s better than it was last night," her patient replied.

Byers shot her a questioning frown, then looked back down at Langly. "What´s wrong with his legs?" he demanded, not able to keep the concerned tremble out of his voice.

"Nothing serious," the doctor assured him. "There is some swelling of the muscles in his lower back; this is to be expected after this kind of surgery. This is putting a bit of pressure on his spinal cord, which is leading to numbness in his lower extremities," she stated matter-of-factly. Seeing Byers go several shades whiter at her words, she faltered. "Would you like to step outside while I do this?" she asked gently.

Unable to find words, Byers found he didn´t need to. He felt the sudden grip around his hand, and glanced down to see Langly´s pleading look. "No..." the younger man whispered, his need for support overwhelming.

Byers shook his head slightly. "Um, no, I´d rather stay here," he managed. Concentrating on comforting his lover gave him focus, something he knew how to do and could do very well. Tightening his own grip on the other man´s hand, he gave Langly a small smile. 

"All right," Larson nodded. As she poked and prodded at her handiwork, Byers focused on distracting Langly despite the sharp, pained hisses and uncomfortable winces. A few minutes passed before the doctor spoke again. "It looks like the swelling has gone down but I´ll still need to give you a shot to help. You ready?" she asked, taking a prepared syringe from the tray and uncapping it, her hands moving to Langly´s back again.

"Yeah, go ahead," the young man nodded.

He gave a sharp gasp and his grip tightened on Byers´ hand, telling Byers the exact moment the needle struck home. The older man waited until the doctor was finished before bringing his hand up to rub Langly´s arm. He leaned in closer to whisper to him soothingly as the younger man waited for the pain to fade.

"Ringo, are you all right?" Larson asked softly, concerned.

Langly didn´t answer, but gave a tiny nod that only Byers could see. The older man looked up at the doctor and nodded, answering for him. "He´s okay. Just needs a few minutes."

She nodded, replacing Langly´s blanket to where it had been and preparing to leave. "I´ll come back to check on you in a few hours, Ringo," she said, talking to the younger man but looking at Byers. "You´re recovering well, and we should be able to move you to a private room by this afternoon." She paused, making her way out after the nurse. "I´ll be around, so if you have any questions, or problems, let me know."

After the door closed, Langly gave a shaky sigh. "God, I hate this..." he mumbled. "Hate being poked and tested constantly... hate being sick."

"I know, hon," Byers replied softly, his hand still gently stroking Langly´s arm, shoulder, upper back. "I hate seeing you like this. Hate that I did this to you," he said before he realized the words had come out. 

Langly looked up at him, his eyes widening with surprise, and a fair amount of guilt. "John! You didn´t...God, how can you even think that?" he snapped without a hint of anger. "You didn´t do anything to me. It just...happened, nothing that either of us can do to change that." Even as he spoke the words, he discovered the truth in them that he hadn´t yet accepted himself. That none of it was ever his fault.

Byers looked back in stunned silence, seeing the rush of emotions crossing Langly´s face; surprise, pain, and finally, most disturbing, the look of horror as the younger man closed his eyes and looked away. With a wince, he rolled onto his back, facing away silently. In that final look of near-disgust, Byers could almost hear the words; knew then that Langly still resented him, still blamed him for this.

Too confused and hurt to respond, Byers stood and moved to the door without a word.

Out of the corner of his eye, Langly watched as he lover left. He couldn´t speak, his mind clouded in a rush of sudden realization and too many conflicting emotions. He didn´t trust himself to say anything, simply watched as Byers left without even looking back.

Langly drew a sharp breath, letting it out slowly as he tried to think this through.

He knew that he had never blamed Byers, not ever. Hadn´t even crossed his mind. But the others; the doctors who didn´t know what to do with him until it was too late. Who wouldn´t listen to him as he tried to explain the significance of the religious--

He nearly bolted upright, it hit him so suddenly, but the sharp protest from his abdomen preventing it. "Fuck..." he whispered to himself as he remembered what had started this all. 

The blessing. The prayer that had given him the gift of life, only to take it away so cruelly, so painfully. It had been the Shiva, the god of fertility. 

At least, in one part of the Hindu religions. One convenient translation that he had grabbed onto because it gave him the answer he wanted to hear so badly.

But he also knew that translating from Hindu into English was nearly impossible, and often common terms could be easily mistaken. He knew that Shiva was an important god, showing up in many forms, taking on many rolls. The most common of which was "The Destroyer."

He felt sick at the realization, the cruel nature of this when he knew how close to home it hit. 

There *was* no one to blame for this; at least, not anyone involved, not any man. Instead, however absurd the notion, he found himself turning his anger on Shiva himself, on the god who had chosen him to have something wonderful only to destroy it so quickly. 

The more he thought about it, the clearer it became. He turned into himself, the agony of loss feeding into his hatred, his white hot anger toward the malevolent being who threatened to destroy his life, his love; everything that he had gained being taken from him in one shocking blow.

It was more than he could take. Too much anger for him to bottle up. 

It was only a matter of time before he would lose what little control he had left.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

3:07 pm Saturday  
One week later

"I *can* walk," Langly told Byers testily.

Byers sighed, not letting go of his firm hold on the younger man´s arm as he slid off the bed and unsteadily to his feet. "I know you can. Just humor us, please? Hospital policy-everyone leaves in a wheelchair, you know that."

Langly responded with an annoyed grunt, but allowed himself to be settled into the waiting chair. "Fine, can we just go now?"

Exchanging a look of exasperation with the nurse, Byers stood behind the younger man, giving his shoulders a brief squeeze before gripping the handles and wheeling Langly out of the room, and finally, out of the hospital.

Squinting at his first exposure to the bright light of day in almost two weeks, Langly saw that Byers had parked the van close to the exit, in the pick-up area. He was silently grateful; the thought of being stuck in the chair for much longer grating his nerves. 

He just wanted to get home. Away from the IVs, and the constant presence of doctors and nurses. He still felt weak, sick from the drugs and shaky, despite being allowed out of bed to walk around a few days before. 

After his brief, unpleasant exchange with Byers a week before, he had seen less of the older man. It wasn´t that Byers didn´t visit him; he just had not spent as much time with Langly as he had the first few days of his recovery. Langly didn´t mind; he preferred to be alone recently. It gave him time to think, to analyze himself and his relationship with Byers. Byers himself had become more distant, taking on his polite, unemotional mask around his lover. They had little to talk about, neither wanting to talk about what had happened.

Langly knew it wouldn´t last long, though. He had already had one visit by the councilor that Byers had insisted they work with, and he knew they had weekly appointments with the man. Langly just did not want to talk to anyone about what he had been through.

"Ree? You need help standing up?" Byers´ concerned voice broke his reverie. 

Langly looked up, seeing that they were stopped in front of the open door of the van. "Oh...no, I´m okay," he said quickly, pushing himself to his feet. Despite his words, he struggled to stay standing. His legs were weak, both from having gone so long without walking regularly, and the slight numbness that continued to bother him from the surgery near his spinal cord. He knew it was temporary, but it still worried him. 

Byers held his arm anyway as Langly slowly crawled into the passenger seat. The younger man sat back, resting his head against the seat and closed his eyes, as if the effort had drained him. Byers suspected that it may have, more so than his lover would admit to. Without a word, he reached in and fastened the seatbelt around the weary blonde.

"Thanks," Langly mumbled. 

The older man patted his arm gently. "No problem."

Byers backed away and closed the door, then turned to give the assisting nurse a grateful smile. "Thank you for all your help," he told her, and she returned his smile with her own shy one. 

Climbing in behind the wheel, Byers shot a brief glance at Langly, checking on him as he started the van. Langly was exactly as he had left him, still and silent, his eyes closed as if to block out the world. The older man had noticed the gradual change in his lover in the past week, and it worried him. Langly had become too quiet, too withdrawn for Byers´ liking. The endless energy and constant chatter was a part of his lover that he relied on, a part that he loved with all of Langly´s other habits and quirks. 

Without that, Langly was a ghost of himself, a hollowed shell that looked like him, that occasionally gave up that crooked smile in his better moods. Those moments were too rare, however. Byers wanted his lover back the way he had been, the way he was before the whole thing started.

He wanted Ringo back. 

As he turned back to look out the windshield, his hand turning the key in the ignition, he sighed inwardly. He just did not know what to do. He still felt in some ways responsible for what happened to the younger man; hell, it was *his* fault! He had impregnated him; at least half of the blame was his. 

Until he could get Langly to talk about it with him, to open up during their counseling or now at home, he felt helpless. He had hope now, however. He was taking his lover home, where they would both feel safe and comfortable. Byers hoped the change in atmosphere would help bring Langly around.

..oOOo..

Turning the engine off, Byers sighed quietly and looked over at his passenger. An affectionate smile broke the surface when he heard the soft, low snore coming from Langly. Unlatching his seatbelt, he reached across and gently shook the younger man´s shoulder to wake him. "Hey, Ree... come on, we´re home."

It took another two shakes, and a louder voice but eventually Langly raised his head enough to blink wearily, then glanced in Byers´ direction. "Hmmm?" he grunted quietly, finally getting his bearings. "Oh...right." He shifted, a sharp gasp escaping when he pulled at his back. 

"Hang on, let me give you a hand," Byers stilled him with a firm palm against the younger man´s chest and reached down to release the belt. Langly gave him a small, grateful smile of silent thanks and reached for the handle to his door. By the time he´d gotten it open, Byers was already on the other side, ready to help him. It made Langly feel strange, a frustrating mixture of gratitude and annoyance for having to rely on the older man so much. He knew he couldn´t manage by himself, but would rather fall flat on his face than admit to it. 

Still, he did not say a word as Byers helped him to his feet and walked him slowly to their basement home. Langly was doing fine on his own, but Byers still kept a hand on his arm, if only for the simple need for contact. 

Frohike opened the door with a huge grin, stepping back to let them both inside and closing the door before reaching for his young friend and pulling him into his arms carefully. "Hey, buddy. Good to have you home," he managed awkwardly, not really knowing what to say. 

Langly squeezed him back, closing his eyes for a moment at the sudden rush of realization that he was finally home. "Thanks, Mel," he replied in a hoarse whisper as he pulled away. 

Byers stepped up go take his arm again. "Come on, let´s get you settled in bed, okay?" As much as he wanted to spent as much time with his lover as possible, to hold him and reassure himself of the other man´s presence, Byers knew the younger man was still under strict doctor´s orders to stay off his feet. He could see that the long car ride home had taken its toll as Langly was practically swaying. 

Nodding, Langly leaned on the older man as he was led to his bedroom. Byers sat him down on the edge of the bed, kneeling down to remove his shoes. Langly scooted back, tucking his legs under the covers and leaning back against the headboard with a sigh. 

"You okay?" Byers asked as he arranged the blankets absently and sat on the bed next to Langly´s outstretched legs. 

"Yeah, I´m good," the other man answered. 

They sat together in an awkward silence, neither knowing what to say to the other. After several uncomfortable minutes, Byers moved to leave. "Well...um, you should get some rest. I, uh... I´ll bring your meds when you need to take them..." he rambled.

Before he could stand, Langly reached out and caught his hand. "Wait..." he said, pulling him back down to sit. "John....c´mere," he leaned forward and wrapped his arms around his lover, his head resting naturally on the older man´s shoulder. "I´m sorry, I know you want me to talk but I´m just...I´m not ready yet."

Byers released his tense breath, his own arms going around the thin figure curled around him and tightening. He tilted his head, pressing his lips to the soft blonde hair under his chin. "I love you so much, Ree. You know that, right?"

He felt Langly´s head move against him in an affirmative nod. "Love you too," the voice muffled against his jacket replied.

"Then you have to know that I´m here, whenever you are ready, whenever you want to talk about what´s going on in that head of yours, okay?" Byers brought his right hand up and stroked his fingers through Langly´s hair.

Again, a simple nod against him that meant so much. "Just... please, just don´t give up on me yet."

"I promise, I won´t. I´d never give up on you." The older man held him just as he had wanted to, for a long time. Langly fell asleep against him after a while, but Byers kept holding him anyway.

..oOOo..

10:52 pm Sunday

Byers picked up the file folder he was working on and wondered over to the couch to read through the notes. He glanced up, noticing that Langly was stretched out on the couch, having fallen asleep with a book in his hand. 

Sitting on the opposite end next to Langly´s blanket-covered feet, he began sorting through the file with his left hand while absent-mindedly rubbing his lover´s foot with his right. 

After a while Langly slowly woke up to the feeling of the hand stroking his foot. He blinked, clearing his head of sleep and looked up to see Byers deeply absorbed in a file. "Hey..." he muttered, sitting up a bit with a grunt.

Byers looked up and smiled at him. "Hey. Sorry, didn´t mean to wake you up. Want me to stop?"

Langly shook his head and smiled back. "Nah...feels good." He stretched his long arms out in front of him and yawned, careful of his healing body. 

"We should get you into bed so you can rest. We´ve got an appointment tomorrow; can´t have you passing out in front of the doctor," Byers said casually, fully aware that the other man did not want to go to the councilor. He had a point, though; Langly had been getting enough rest, if only because his body forced him to. But he still wasn´t eating much, and that worried Byers whenever he caught a glimpse of Langly´s too-thin body.

Langly dropped his eyes and sighed, leaning his head against the back of the couch. "Won´t matter; I don´t have anything to talk about."

The older man sighed inwardly; he´d suspected as much. "I´d like it if you´d take these sessions seriously, Ree. He´s trying to help us get through this." He got no response, so he continued. "Will you at least come with me? I need you there. For me. Please?"

After a moment, Langly closed his eyes and nodded reluctantly. "Yeah, okay."

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

10:49 am Monday

Byers leafed through the five-month old issue of "Hunting and Fishing" with no interest what-so-ever. He glanced to his left, the constant fidgeting of the other man quickly moving from mildly distracting to outright annoying. The only two people in the psychologist's waiting room, the silence between them was all the more palpable. Still ten minutes until their appointment, the younger man was becoming more agitated by the minute. 

Finally giving in to the impulse, Byers reached over and laid his hand on Langly's knee, stilling the jumping limb. "Relax, Ree. He's not going to force you to say or do anything you don't want to, okay?"

Langly glared at him for a moment, then brushed the hand off his leg and got unsteadily to his feet to start pacing. After only a few laps his energy gave out, and he plopped back down in an empty chair a few down from the other man. Byers tried to hide his hurt look behind the magazine and went back to not reading. 

A few minutes before eleven, Dr. Gary Evens emerged from his office with a friendly smile. His smile faltered, however, as he saw his two patients sitting apart in the waiting room, not saying a word, not even looking at each other. "Mr. Byers, Mr. Langly? Come on into my office," he waved them over casually. 

Exchanging a guarded glance, the two men stood and followed. Closing the door, Dr. Evans gestured them toward the two chairs in front of the desk as he went around the other side and took his own seat. "How are the both of you?" he began, flipping the notebook in front of him to a fresh page and tapping his pen lightly against it. 

"Fine," the couple replied automatically, in stereo.

The doctor stifled a smile; he recognized one of the signs of an inseparable pair, and truly hoped he had the skills to help them past their tragedy and back to their normal lives, and soon. "May I call you by your first names?" he asked, watching as they both nodded. "Good, I'm glad. I hope it will make you feel more comfortable. Now, I'd just like to use this session to give you both the opportunity to talk about anything you like, then we'll use later sessions to focus on specifics. For today, we'll be spending the first half hour with you both together, then I'll have Richard wait outside while I speak with you, John, for around fifteen minutes. After that, I'll speak with you privately until the end of the time, Richard."

"Um, could you not call me Richard? It's...I prefer Ringo," Langly told him as he squirmed uncomfortably in his chair.

"Of course. Ringo. Good," Evans replied with an encouraging smile, glad to have the withdrawn young man speaking up. "I understand you've been home several days now. How is everything going? Physically, I mean. Are you having any problems that might make you feel discomforted?"

Langly shook his head minutely. "No, I'm fine," he mumbled, knowing full-well that the other two knew he was lying. 

The next half hour passed with the same avoidance and uneasy back-and-forth. Evans looked down at the few notes he had, frustrated by the lack of progress. Langly just did not want to talk, and Byers did not seem to want to talk in front of Langly. It was time to split them up. 

"Ringo, I'd like to speak with John alone now. If you could wait outside, I'll come get you when it's your turn," Evans told the younger man as he drew a line beneath the few scribbled lines of text. He watched as Langly stood and left without a word, then turned his eyes to where Byers was also watching the other man leave. 

Alone now with Byers, Evans looked at him expectedly. "John? Tell me a little about what is going on with you, anything you'd like to talk about."

"It's like he isn't even interested in getting us back to normal," Byers blurted out without thinking, then blushed and looked away.

Evans stood and moved to the chair vacated by Langly. "John, don't feel embarrassed by anything you need to say, all right? That's why you are here, to have someone to talk to when no one else will listen. You know that, don't you?" he said gently.

Byers looked up at him, and slowly nodded. "He won't talk to me...won't..." he cleared his throat, his cheeks growing pink again. "We don't sleep together anymore, not since he got home. We don't touch, we barely say a word to each other."

"And you've tried to get him to talk? To draw him out?"

"Well, I mean...I've tried, but I don't want to push him, in case he isn't ready, you know? I mean, I can't imagine what it was like, what he went through. I just don't want to push too hard too soon; don't want to risk losing him."

"Maybe you haven't pushed enough yet. He could just be waiting for you to make the first solid move, to give him an opening to let go of everything he is keeping inside," Evans reasoned. 

Byers considered this, then nodded slightly. "Yeah, maybe."

The doctor sat back, relieved to have made even a small step. "Good, that's good. Try talking to him. If you have any questions, or need help, feel free to call me."

With a relieved smile, Byers reached to shake his hand, then stood. "Would you like me to send Ringo in?"

"Yes, please. If you'll just wait outside for him," Evans told him, remaining in the chair in front of the desk.

Langly glanced up when he saw Byers come out of the office, and took a deep breath. Standing, he walked back toward the still open door. As he passed Byers, the older man caught his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "It's okay," Byers whispered to him with a confidant smile. The younger man couldn't help but give him a smile in return, and he continued into the office, shutting the door behind him.

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

Taking Byers' chair, Langly hunched into himself in a defensive posture, his arms crossed over his chest. 

Asking a few easy questions meant to get the man talking, Evans found himself on the receiving end of only a few noncommittal grunts and shrugs. He decided it was time to make a harder move, even if it meant getting Langly angry. The doctor just needed to get *some* reaction from the man. "Do you want to give up on your relationship so soon?" he bit out harshly. "To throw away this special bond you have obviously worked so hard to create with John?"

Langly's head snapped up and he glared at the doctor with more cold emotion than Evans had ever seen in him. "Is that what you think? Is that what John thinks? Did he tell you that? That I don't want to be with him anymore?"

"What John and I spoke of is between him and I. It's my job to find out what *you* feel, what you want to do so that we can move on from there." 

The younger man sprang to his feet angrily. "This is bullshit. I'm NOT giving up! I don't...I can't lose him." He glared for another moment at the stunned doctor and launched himself out the door, slamming it open. 

Byers stood when he heard the door fly open, and flinched when Langly blew by him without so much as a glance. He looked up and caught the eye of Dr. Evans, who gave him a bewildered shake of his head. 

In the parking lot, Byers found Langly leaning against the passenger door of the van, waiting for him. Byers stopped in front of the younger man, and gave into impulse. He reached his hand up to cup Langly's chin, lifting the pale, tight face to meet his eyes. Langly jerked away quickly. "Just...don't," he hissed. Byers sighed and unlocked the door, waiting until the younger man was in before moving to the driver's side. 

The drive home was unbearably tense, silent, and frustrating for Byers. He wanted to say something, to know what had happened with the doctor but every time he glanced toward his lover he felt unable to speak.

When he parked the van and shut off the engine, Langly reached over and snatched the keys, jumping out of the van and striding as quickly as he could to the basement door. 

Still behind the wheel, Byers watched Langly until he was out of sight. The moment he was inside Byers slammed his clenched fist against the steering wheel twice, hard. "FUCK," he yelled, punching the wheel one last time before getting out of the van himself. 

He charged full-on down the stairs and throw the door out of his way, still open from Langly's entrance.

Byers saw Frohike standing nearby, the shorter man's eyebrows raised as high as he'd ever seen them. Without a word, the oldest Gunmen grabbed the keys Langly hand thrown on the table and made a speedy exit, closing the door behind him.

Moving further into the basement, Byers spotted Langly leaning forward against a table, his weight on his outstretched arms. Byers moved around the table but kept his distance. "What the hell was that? What is WRONG with you?" he snapped.

Langly's head shot up and he scowled at the other man. "What's wrong with YOU? Telling Evans that we're over? That I don't want us to be together so I've stopped caring?"

Byers gaped at him, unbelieving. "What? Is that what he told you?"

"He didn't tell me anything you said, but I got the idea. You want to quit, fine. I don't, but whatever, John." Langly made a dismissive wave with his hand then put it back on the edge of the table.

"Wait a minute--"

"No, YOU wait, John. I don't know what gave you the impression that I wanted us to break up, but I'm sorry. I'm sorry for feeling like such shit that I can't even breathe without it hurting. I'm sorry for not wanting to talk about how much I hate what happened."

"Ree, please don't. It's...you're not..." Byers stumbled for words. "Damn it, I'm the one who needs to apologize," he finally got out. "For doing this...for everything that happened to you."

Langly slammed his fist against the table. "NO! Fuck, John! Why can't you LISTEN? *I* did this, okay? I'M the one who wanted us to have a child, I'M the one who got the chance and I'M the one who blew it. ME, not you. I..." he faltered, swallowing hard and blinking back the stinging tears that sprang up. "I guess I can't blame you for wanting to end it."

Byers stepped closer cautiously. "But I don't. That's what I'm trying to say, what I've been trying to tell you for the past week, but I just couldn't get through to you."

The younger man's head lolled forward in ragged defeat. "Why would you want to?" he asked in a pained voice.

"Because I love you, all right? I love you, I want to get back to where we were before all of this," Byers pleaded with him, sensing that for the first time, Langly was listening to him, really listening.

"Why? I...I can't give you want we both want, John. A family...kids."

"If it means losing you, I don't want that. You are the most important part of my life and I won't give you up for anything," his voice dropped to a rough, near-whispered tone. 

Choking out a sob, Langly's already shaky grip on the table slipped and he lost his struggle to stay on his feet. But Byers was right there in a heartbeat, catching him before he hit the ground and gathering the shaking figure into his arms and sat them both on the floor. 

From somewhere near his shoulder, Byers heard a muffled sniff. "God, John, I don't deserve you."

Byers stroked his hair, letting his hands move down to soothe the trembling he felt across Langly's back as the younger man sobbed against his shoulder, finally finding the release he had held back for so long. "Yes, you do, and you're stuck with me, okay?" he smiled into the soft tangle of blonde hair pressed against his chin even as a few tears of his own escaped. 

The younger man gave a shaky half sob, half laugh and burrowed deeper into Byers' arms. "Can't believe how much I love you," he muttered with a sigh, closing his eyes and relaxing into the gentle rhythm of his lover's slight rocking. 

..oOOo..

..oOOo..

10:52 pm

"Can I see it?" 

"See what?" Langly asked, frowning curiously at his lover laying next to him. Both men lay on their sides, facing each other and just barely touching, reconnecting. 

Byers slid his hand down Langly's side gently, making the younger man shiver. "Your scar. Can I see it?"

Giving a dramatic sigh, the blonde rolled onto his stomach and put his arms under his head on the pillow. "Sure, I guess," he said, watching as Byers reached down to lift up the hem of Langly's shirt. He felt the older man's fingers carefully push down the waistband of his boxers.

"Hmm."

Langly lifted his head a little, making a futile attempt to look over his shoulder to see. "What? How does it look?"

"Not bad. It's smaller than I thought it would be," Byers replied off-handedly. He traced his finger lightly next to the mark, which still bared a line of stitches. The stitches would go away on their own soon enough. "Does it hurt?"

"Not much," Langly shrugged the best he could in his position. "Sometimes when I move too fast."

"Ah. So," Byers said, leaning down to lay a very light, soft kiss to the scar. "This doesn't hurt?"

The younger man smiles at the familiarity of the other man, so glad to have him back where he was supposed to be. "No...feels good."

Trailing a line of kisses up the mark, and continuing on up Langly's back, he felt the man beneath him squirm and start to breathe faster. "And this?"

Langly gasped, looking back over his shoulder with a whimper. "John..." he said through clenched teeth, reaching down a hand to stop Byers' movements. "John, don't--"

Realizing he'd gone too far, Byers pulled back instantly. "God, I'm sorry," he said, running his hand lightly down Langly's back. "Sorry, I didn't mean to..."

"S'okay. I...I can't..." the younger man buried his head into the pillow.

"Yeah, I know. I shouldn't have started," Byers stroked his fingers through the fine hair spread across Langly's back. He knew it would be a while before the younger man would be able to engage in anything even remotely sexual. He also knew it was worth the wait. 

"I wish I could...I want to..." Langly sighed, rolling onto his side a little, then shifting up onto his knees. He stripped off his t-shirt, then pushed the boxers down his legs and off as well. "Come on," he pulled at Byers' clothes, obviously wanting some naked company. 

"Ree, we can't," Byers reminded him.

"I know, and we won't. I...I just want to touch you, feel you...skin on skin. I need that. You understand?"

Byers met his eyes, and understood. He needed it too. He stripped his own clothes off, then laid down next to his lover again.

Langly leaned in to kiss him softly, his tongue just brushing over Byers lips as he pulled away. "God, I want you..." he whispered, his hand moving on its own accord down to touch Byers.

The tiniest of strokes and the older man felt his cock twitch at the contact. He reached his own hand down, taking both of Langly's hands in his own. "Ree, we can't," he said more firmly. 

"I can't, but you can. Please, let me do this," Langly's voice was almost pleading. 

Byers shook his head, taking their joined hands and holding them between their chests. "No. I don't need to do anything for me, okay? All I care about, all that matters is that you are safe, and here with me. I could hold onto you forever like this and that's all I'll ever need," he said seriously.

Pulling his hands loose, Langly worked his arms around Byers and held him close. "I love you so much, John," he whispered, kissing him again. This time when he ran his tongue over Byers' lips, he didn't pull back, instead delving into the warm, welcoming depths of his lover's mouth, and sucking the other man's tongue into his own. Taking a moment to catch his breath, he opened his eyes again. "You forgot something."

"What's that?" Byers asked, still a bit dazed from the kiss.

"You said you care about being with me. But are you happy?" Langly threaded his fingers through the short, silky hair at the base of Byers' neck.

Byers drew back a little to look at him. "What do you mean? Of course I'm happy," he said, unsure what the younger man was getting at. 

Shaking his head a little, Langly continued. "I mean, are you happy with just having me? No family, nothing but you and me for the rest of our lives?"

Byers' eyes widened in understanding. He tightened his arm to draw Langly closer to him on reflex. "Yes, I'm happy! I thought I'd made that clear. Ree, what you did...you did something incredible that no other man has ever done. You carried OUR child for four days. That in itself is amazing. The fact that it almost killed you...I would never ask that of you again, of anyone. I couldn't imagine if I'd lost you..." he trailed off as his voice broke.

"I'm not going anywhere," Langly assured him softly with a stroke of his hand against Byers' hip. 

They lay quietly, their bodies tangled together as they should be. Finally, Langly spoke again. "I still...I couldn't help but think about what it meant for us. What it would be like, the two of us raising a kid, together, you know?"

Byers lay a finger on Langly's lips, quieting him. "Ree, please don't keep thinking about something that can't happen."

Langly smiled, and licked at the finger. "John, I'm not planning on getting pregnant again, if that's what you think I'm thinking. Though, maybe we should restock the condom supply," he added absently with a wry grin. "I was thinking...there *are* other ways for us to have a family. Like...," he stopped, waiting until Byers had met his eyes. "Like, adopting?"

..oOOo..

End.

 

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Archived: April 27, 2001 


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